Immobile....

you soared like a meteor
across my dark, moonless sky.
the scattered stars with
their apprehensive shyness,
Hidden!
your blazing tail
dripping saccharine sadism
upon the unblinking eyes
of my adoration,
Dazed!

you shot over the horizon
then you were gone.
it was all like it was before.
but i was blinded.
my eyes cannot adjust.
my light won't return.
you took it along with you.

i was left with a deep crater
upon the heaving bosom
of my deep desires-
Immobile...

that flash of light,
that moment of dazzle,
a hazy chamber of
You and Me.
that instance of eternity
beyond comprehension,
idly wafting the wings
of my unborn wants.

and then you vanished.
just how you had appeared.
my little orgasm of chastity-
you took it along with you.

i was left with a searing burn
upon the cushions of my harmony-
Immobile...

No Clue....

savoring the taste
the tongue can't feel.
one glance with that raised brow
all wounded desires heal!
pouring in the imaginations
like intoxication of the wine,
marijuana with a double high.
blinding daze in a glistening shine!

no clue as to when it started!?!
no clue as to why!?!
no clue as to why this heart skips a beat!?!
no clue how i fly!?!

i feel drunk at the sight of you...
you're the genie in the gin glass.
you seem so real when you're there.
i wish i could touch your candyfloss!!

no clue as to why is it there!?!
no clue if its fine.
no clue why i love you!?!
and why you aren't mine!?

XTREME FILTH MADNESS

is it madness to talk
about music, football and Hugh
incessantly, all night,
yet finding the repeated talks all new!?!

is it madness to cry
on every 5th April for Cobain?
or not being able to fathom
that Jacko has gone, in vain!?!

ain't it acceptable
to weep at length for the loss of Germany?
to cry till morning for Zidan
and utter a curse or so many?

is it really madness to imagine
Hugh Jackman sitting with you?!
or Christian Bale on a bike
and on backseat its you?!

is it madness to feel wasted
just coz you can't play the drums?
or can't even handle a guitar properly?
or feel drenched when Cobain hums?

is it madness to headbang
when Mojo is performing on a high?
when Hendrix yells "My Voodoo Child"?
when Lucas Rossi sings with a sigh?
when Bono takes you to streets with no names?
when Pearl Jam creates a Jeremy fling?
is it filthy to have an adrenaline rush
when Steve Tyler doesn't wanna miss a thing?

if it IS madness
to live in Music and Rock in dark,
to see Hugh or Bale and feel a spark,
to feel consumed wholly
by gigantic Football shark,

if it IS madness
to yell for Roger and laugh at Nadal,
to wear sportsmen jerseys
Like customed modals...

if it IS madness
to feel the Rush or the Halt
for the whom its all about,
then,
I'M MAD BY DEFAULT!!!!

...Wait...

where there were whispers,
now remains a silent quiet.
where there were smiles,
now remain solitary tears.

the clocks kept ticking,
but the time never passed.
the sun set and rose again,
but the shadows never left.

that feeling of wholeness
replaced by an ugly hollow.
promises to oneself of surity,
turn to words of hopelessness.

seems like yesterday,
yet so prolonged to be counted.
the music hums unheard..
the lyrics turned sardonic.
the solicit joy of loneliness,
exaggerated for reasons unlisted..

two sorrows in different worlds,
together in wait of a final farewell.
two soliliques of sodism,
together we'd be a carnival!
two sillehouttes of each other,
together we'd be a bright beam!
two seperate complaints against life..
together we'd be fate!
two sorrows in different worlds,
bound together in wait...

If you'd be macroni,
I'd be your cheese.
I'd be a piece of furniture
in your life, if you please!!
I'd be the door
if you wanna stay closed.
I'd be your ground
if you wanna rub nose!
I'd be the chime
if it makes you good
I'd be the fog
settling 'round your hood!

if you want that I shall go,
I'd be the time!
if you wanna get drunk,
I'd be the wine!
if the lights go off,
I'd be your candle.
if you wanna get fame,
I'd be your scandle!!

because,
just anytime
if you want me,
then I'd be....

Dawn,,,,

The orange band
underlines the dark sky.
the light sweeps over the stars.
there's still one shining bright in the west.
the birds have just started
to chirp their early greetings.
the cold air is preparing
to give way to hot gusts.

the early risers are out
for their morning walks.
in the lap of nature,
I walk too!
the trees fresh from sleep
are letting the birds free
from their protected nests.
the spread green carpet
of the harvests till far
welcomes the orange ball.

a solitary bird flies
across the beautiful orange
like the shadow of night's remembrance.
by the time I return
a hot yellow grabola of fire
makes beads of perspiration trickle.
just when the world is going to work,
I close my room and turn on the cooling.
its time to work,
but I burnt the midnight oil.
its a beautiful morning...
enjoy!!
but, Goodnight!!!

You See Not Me....

yea, we'd sure look good
sitting by the fireplace...
but in our seperate houses!!

it might work out
whatever you want...
but, chuck the idea of being like spouses!

you're no Greek-God
I'm no honey-tanned either...
but together we're too cute for two ugly people!!

you're a lame horse, me a busy bee!
opposites attract...so shall we!!
but I want something like moss on a steeple!

sure I said our lives are decreed.
People don't chance upon, they meet!
but I love bending the rules for now.

take offence! and if you wanna flee...
baby, don't minus a jinx from my sleeve!
but, I do want you to go anyhow!

because what you see,
you see not me!
what you wanna see,
its simply not me!!

Hieros Gamos

its a Greek ritual which means a sacred marriage. its done somewhere around the equinox, mid-March, in spring. it dates back more than 2000 years. Egyptian priests and priestesses performed it regularly to celebrate the reproductive power of the female. the women wear white gossamer gowns and golden shoes. they hold golden orbs. the men wear black tunics and black shoes. both men and women wear androgynous masks.

Heiros Gamos looks like a sex-ritual but has nothing to do with eroticism. It is a spiritual act. historically, intercourse was the act through which male and female experienced God. the ancients believed that the male was spiritually incomplete until he had carnal knowledge of the sacred feminine. physical union with the female remained the sole means through which man could become spiritually complete and ultimately achieve Gnosis- knowledge of the Divine. since the days of Isis, sex rites had been man's only bridge from earth to heaven. by communing with woman, man could achieve a climatic instant when mind was totally blank and he could see God.

Physiologically speaking, the male climax is accompanied by a split-second entirely devoid of thought. a brief mental vacuum. a moment of clarity during which God could be glimpsed. Meditation gurus achieved similar states of thoughtlessness without sex and described Nirvana as a never-ending spiritual orgasm.

Sex begot new life-the ultimate miracle- and miracles could be performed only by a God. the ability of women to produce life from her womb made her sacred. a God. intercourse was the revered union of the two halves of the human spirit- Male and Female- through which male could find spiritual wholeness and communion with God.

The Hiero Gamos isn't a perversion. its a deeply sacrosanct ceremony.

Early Jews believed that the Holy of Hollies in Solomon's temple housed not only God, but also His powerful female equal, Shekinah. Men seeking spiritual wholeness came to the temple to visit priestesses- or hierodules- with whome they made love and experienced the Divine through physical union.

The Jewish tetragrammaton YHWH- the sacred name of God, in fact, is derived from Jehovah, an androgynous physical union b/w masculine Jah and the pre-Hebraic name for Eve, Havah.

Our ancient heritage (e.g., Khajuraho, Konark) and our vey physiologies tell us sex is a natural- a cherished- route to spiritual fulfillment. And yet, modern religions decies it as shameful, teaching us to fear our Sexual Desires as the hand of Evil....

Don't Speak

Don't speak.
those words I've heard.
Don't speak.
be a submissive nerd!
Don't speak.
I know you want me.
Don't speak...
I won't leave you to be.

it rains inside.
the emotions of some kind.
one glance at you...
the hung tenterhooks...
I'm not blind!
sweet commotions.
like rustled autumn leaves.
it seems so right.
a flip of heart...
two paroling thieves!

so, Don't speak.
baby, you don't need to!
don't speak...
your eyes sniff the flu.
don't speak.
there's a beautiful silence.
don't speak.
I love your incense.

are the nights lonely?
I love to let them be!
it agitates you, though.
whatever you say,
I can make you want me!!
this distance
is the aphrodisiac!
a sweet masochism
spreading through the limbs,
you shimmer like lilliac!!

do you wanna speak?
and break
this sardonic quiet?
do we need words?
don't speak!
its a virtual duet!!
baby, your touch speaks.
my skin lends an ear.
the pulses are enough.
don't speak
while we're so near!!

Friends Forever

{modified song by Vitamin C. for all my playas}

and so we talked everyday
about the rest of our lives.
where we're gonna be
when we turn 25?!
I keep thinking
times will never change
keep on thinking
things will always be the same.
but when we leave the next year,
we won't be coming back.
no more hanging out
because we'd all be on different tracks.
and if you've got something
that you need to say,
you better say it right now.
don't wait for another day!
because we're all moving on
and we can't slow down.
these memories are playing
like a film without a sound.
and I keep thinking
of that time in October
when we all met each other
and slowly got together...
and then there was me and you
and then we got real blue!
go to home, talking on the phone
we'd get so excited.
and we'd get so scared!!
laughing at ourselves
thinking life's not fair.
and this is how it feels-
as we go on
we'd remember all the times
we had together.
and as our lives change,
come whatever...
in our hearts, we'll still be
Friends Forever!!

so if we get the big jobs
and we make the big money,
when we'd look back on now,
would our jokes still be funny!?
would we still remember
everything we learnt in school?
still be trying
to break every single rule!?
would our brainy Dipi
materialize her every plan!?
can Eti find a job
that won't interfere with her tan!?
would Tanu be a lawyer
or somewhere as a stockbroker!?
would Sneh be an executive
or be the same "manhandled" joker!?
would Neha choose a job
or would she elope with Adi!?
and would I be upto doing something else
than the usual "barbaadi"!?

I keep, I keep thinking that its not "Goodbye"!
keep on thinking its a time to fly!!

will we think abot tomorrow
like we think about now?
can we survive it out there?
can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought
that this would never end.
and suddenly its like
we're all grown-up women!!
will the past be a shadow
that will follow us around?
or would these memories fade
as we'd leave this town?

I keep, I keep thinking that its not "Goodbye"!
keep on thinking its a time to fly...

in DEATH

Living a lie.

Lying to live.

Losing your substance when found out.

What now, now that there are no more places to hide

He looked up at the dying embers of the pyre that was once his life.
He closed his eyes and tried to remember what it had been like being him
But it wouldn’t come, wouldn’t find substance in his memory,
Leaving him to guess what it must have been like.

He looked around for the mourners and found none.
Perhaps they had already made their peace with his memory
And had moved on to their homes, tranquil in their grief,
Blessed by the power of their Faith.

Or, perhaps they had loved him so
That they were celebrating together
In a place close at hand,
Toasting him with laughter and good cheer.

Or, perhaps there were no mourners at all.
[He was adrift in the waters of uncertainty and loneliness
Unable to rediscover who he was through the memories of others
And unsure where to turn for renewal and strength.]

A light shines in the distance. The man looks up.
In spite of himself, he moves toward it,
Hope blossoming in singularity of purpose
Like the Night Blooming Cereus.

The pearl white onion turns on its axis,
Gleaming in the phosphorescent glow of
The motes of reality streaming around it.

Little by little the layers slough off.
Little by little the mystery of the Thing
Shines through the translucent layers

Until nothing is left but the Core,
The naked seed that was there before the
Thing had shape, before its veined layers

Emitted such noxious fumes that
Tears sprang from those who dared to
Look beneath the layers of the bleached orb.

He walks toward the Light
Searching for warmth to comfort
His naked soul.

The layers are gone now
Forgotten for the moment,

His raw soul aching for comfort.

The Light beckons him forward.
He stands there, attempting to
Cover his nakedness.

“Why do you hide?”
“I am ashamed.”
The tears come of their own accord.

“I need You.”

He sat there bare as the day he was borne from his
Mother’s safe compartmentalized basket of denial,
Into the world of real image and make-believe belief.

Exposed as he was, he did not move to cover himself;
He preferred his nakedness to the counterfeit comfort
Of the proffered silk robes that promised only soulless death.

Now he stands, stretching in the warmth of the midday sun.
Turning toward the light, he is dazzled by the power of the
Glowing disc and cries out, releasing the joy at the freedom he feels.

“Let freedom sing,”
He calls in the glowing light,
“Let freedom sing,
For God has given me
Back my soul and burned away
My cloak of despair;
Let freedom sing!”

He turns East and sees there mists of memory and truth;
Lessons learned, friendships cherished,
Tears shed, laughter happily remembered.

He turns West and knows there clarity of purpose;
Lessons to be shared, friendships to be nurtured,
Tears and laughter yet to become memories.

His step forward is sure and proud.

(this was kinda inspired by the last rites of my friend's dad)

Madonna Of The Rocks

desired theme- Virgin Mary, baby John-the baptist, Uriel and baby Jesus sheltering in a cave.

Leonardo filled the painting with explosive and disturbing details...
The painting showed a blue-robed Virgin Mary sitting with her arm around an infant, presumably baby Jesus. Opposite Mary sat Uriel, also with an infant, presumably baby John the Baptist. Oddly though, rather than the usual Jesus-blessing-John scenario, it was baby John who was blessing Jesus... and Jesus was submitting to his authority.
More troubling, still, Mary was holding one hand high above the head of the infant John and making a decidedly threatening gesture- her fingers looking like eagle's talons, gripping an invisible head.
Finally, the most obvious and frightening image: Just below Mary's curled fingers, Uriel was making a cutting gesture with his hand- as if slicing the neck of the invisible head gripped by Mary's clawlike hand...

what this was all about, the secret got burried with da Vinci... but he was an outright rebel against Christianity... He didn't intend to malign what the Christian leaders put forward... He only tried to put forward what they inteded (and succeded) to hide...

Towards Palm-Mystery

I've been practicing Palmistry since I was in class XI. my nanu has been my source of inspiration, my guru, my mentor and also my biggest (constructive) critique. so far, I have read lots and lots of palms of the most varied types. my clientel (oh! I hate the term, though.) is vast, varied and doesn't fit-in my memory even! probably because I don't charge. so, why am I writing this? this is not supposed to be a "Guide to Palmistry"...not even some journal on my experiences... this is a simple write-up, with words found hard, in an attempt to subdue some of unacceptable outlooks and bias about this science, which is considered no science at all.

This is the millennium of Pisces, which means the millennium of revelations. This is the Decade of Science...the Science which has proven the impact of the number of hair strands, the impact of hte lines beneath the feet, the impact of change in the places of constellations on nature and weather conditions...and also, the impact of phases of moon on human mentality. And in this age of of logical reasoning and going behind the pre-established barriers, people like me-who take interest in occult- see this most vast science getting lost in translation. Do you think that whatever the Nature has endowed us with has no impact upon us all- the Universal Recipients!?

Coming to Palmistry... these lines on everybody's hands tell tales. And accept it or not, the fact is that we all are fascinated by occult- reasons may differ. else, why do you turn to your daily Astrological Predictions' page, even if you crib about them all a minute later? and hell, don't tell me you do not believe in Karmas and Destiny... And God!!
Your hand is a map of your life. Personally, I don't tell all, nor do I believe in knowing the happenings of my life beforehand. Universe is an Esoteric Mystery and I believe in being an unhindering part of it all. Human Will is yet another unexplicable phenomenon. this factor can change things in your favour if they are against. This is what Palmistry says. Its the Anatomy of your life, and just like even after knowing whats good and bad for your body, you're free to do whatever with your body...similarly, you might believe what a Palmist tells you and continue treating your life the way you want.

Now, if you think you shall have written proofs in your hands to believe in this Science... then you're demanding it from the lesser mortals who haven't even been able to decipher their own brain!!

Somethings are beyond our understanding and logic. But this never does imply that they do not exist...the Bermuda Triangle stands testimony to it.

I am not asking you to believe all this..or even take the pains to lend an ear. but just as I am not questioning or ridiculing your stands, I expect that mine, or anybody's, beliefs in Occult are not ridiculed, even if Questioned....

People play Games...Love isn't one

if I knew it would end like this,
I'd have never talked to you.
I'd never give you hope.
never let myself surrender to you.
or was it even true?
I was just so used to being with you!
I didn't know I could manage on my own.
Or... can I?

my eyes are open,
but the pain is near.
in my broken heart,
I do not know if it was you
who broke my heart
or did I break yours?
it all ended so sadly.
with hatred, with betrayal.
its easier when there's a reason
why people break up.
but there is not.
the blame is whose?

and you have to blame
someone for your miserable mind.
love left behind my shattered heart.
alone to survive in this cold world
alone to believe I could love again.
that I would feel joy.

but...Love doesn't hurt people,
or make them feel sad,
or trick them.
People hurt people.
with intention or with accident.
but everyone is the master of their own life,
if they dare.
if they don't, they keep blaming love for their hurt...
Like people have done for ages...
Like I'd been doing till now!!

not yet the long sleep

glittering dark,
dancing before my eyes...
closed everything I see,
shadowed!
in roaring silence I hear...
falling of a feather,
soundless...
a hush!!
my lover's touch..
bitter, life's bile.
sweet, love's taste.
shadows of tomorrow
darken the path of yesterday.
what was,
will never be what is.
Stands before my eyes, open...
MY LIFE...

Phases

frightened like a virgin

in a no-man's-land.

the lustruous masochism

with its free hand.

I drown!

yea...don't frown!!

bloodless like

a little blade of grass.

the ceasing spirit

in my captivated carcass...

I die...

yea... I fly!

stupendous sadistic virtuality

ending in a blur.

I wanna make...

Oh! this though's like fur!

I overflow!

yea... don't go!!

imaginations...

the apple of my eyes.

like a silent whisper.

like blazened skies...

I glow!

I know you know!

diminishing like

the waning phases of moon.

I've found some last words...

come a little too soon!!

I set free...

all I ever had of me!

humming incessantly

like derranged strings of some guitar.

antagonising thoughts

taking the play too far

I bleed...

don't pay any heed!!

too loud,

like echoes of the vacant mind.

arousing breeze...

something of its kind!

I burn..

still you don't turn...

the enthralling voice...

the judgement call.

like cheese to macroni...

your dissipating charms befall!!

I stand washed.

are you too sloshed?

a bud blossoms.

and I open my eyes here.

a refuge gets snatched

in an abandoned nowhere.

the road bends.

yea...I end!!

Offences

baby, I want you.

is that a crime?

the way those lips

entice me,

I feel I'd even

kill for them.

if need be!

I overshoot

the rocket of my desires.

air comes in gasps.

anyone can say

I suffer a convulsion.

your fingernails,

as short as mine...

the small upturned chin.

Gosh!

is there something I don't like?

threats of my diseased mind

engulfing all my sanity.

I'm captivated in your charms.

for mercy, I won't shout.

your allegorical discretions

are yours...

come bail me out!

I can feel you

underneath all my skin.

and I wonder

if you feel remotely akin?!

I am crazy

you're no less than mad.

if I fantacise,

you do too...

sometimes, perhaps

that's why

I'm so into you!

the mono-colored feathers

of all dreams

drift into a

melancholic sodism.

it does feel like an offence

to not want to be free

from your enchanting prison!

darling, I yearn for you.

I pine!

even after knowing

you're not mine.

the offshooting tributaries

of smothered desires

under the crescent moon

hardly let me be!

honey, if desiring you

is really a crime...

Come, baby,

arrest me!!

That's When It hurts...

you talk to me
with a saddened voice.
that there once was,
is vacuumed in some void.
you say again,
"I Love You"...
that's when it hurts!

we meet at some place.
with a certain necessary words.
we both know we're crowded.
standing in two distant worlds.
still you smile
and hold my hand.
that's when it hurts!

you're talking and talking.
I'm disinterested, still listening.
you do not want this to end.
and I'm sarcastic, teasing!
tears threaten your eyes.
tears which I wanna see.
I know it hurts!

we say our goodbyes.
you still turn back and see.
I calmly stand fagging.
distance increasing between you and me.
you'd go back and call.
I'd call back and would forget.
Still shall it hurt!?!

I'm Tired!!

I'm tired.

tired of listening

to all your words

which lose all meaning

every other day.



I'm tired

of believing

that someday you'd realize

it hurts to play the second fiddle.

maybe you won't understand

all that I intend to say.



I'm tired.

infact, I'm so dead sick,

of finding some logic

for all your deeds.

all that you do.

do you even worth it?



I'm tired.

tired of pretending

that things can be good again.

don't you realize

that the flames have blown-off

and we're left with our seperate bits?



I'm tired.

aren't you?

aren't you tired of lying?

aren't you tired

of saying all those things

you don't come close to mean?



strange it is.

how everything fizzed-out

so instantly, and oh!

there were a certain things

left unsaid, died on our lips.

moreover, we weren't too keen!



baby, the bags are packed.

the cab is waiting.

I do not intend to shove you,

so, help yourself...

here's the last kiss you desired.

now, go, I need some refreshment.

I'm, anyways, too tired!!

Probably Good!!

the neon lights flashed in my eyes.

the faces were all sillehouttes now.

I searched for a cushion and grabbed my beer.

it was then I saw you dancing...WOW!!

I lit a stick when you sat on the side

my senses were so aware of your gaze.

"Can I have a smoke?" your voice couldn't reach

or so I pretended, still increasing the haze!

you leaned and spoke into my ears.

your voice was unnerving... or so I thought!

nonchalantly I just looked at you...

your face was more chisselled than a lot!!

the conversation started.

the distance decreased!

the proximity of you and me...

was, in a sense, diseased!!

I ordered for the vodka

you said, "make that two"!

while I imagined the vodka burning you inner...

I was, in fact, being burnt by you!!

"Ride It" by the D.J.,

my hand wrapped in yours.

the shine in your eyes, neons jaded!

slow dancing, maybe desiring each other..on the floor.

the alcohols started speaking soon

you weren't aware of anything around.

so wasn't I...but I was aware of you!

I was aware of your howering eyes.

I was aware of the hidden things... so were you!!

your voice softened with every peg

I was serene... we, anyways, didn't need much words!

questions meaning two things at once.

the less we spoke, the more we heard!!

"would we see each other again?"

your question, my usual answer- "perhaps no..or I might"!

that silly smile of yours, playing upon all my words...

but, darling, on second thoughts,

you were probably good only for that night!!

Love for you...

for all that you have given to me

I can't return, but love for you

bound up the wounds I didn't see

and gave me hopes and passions new

I can't return, but love for you

whose unmoved faith did my heart move!?

and gave me hopes and passions new

and loved me until I turned to love

whose unmoved faith did my heart move!?

the mother of my heart, not just blood

who loved me till I turned to love

and became the soul I would

the mother of my heart, not just blood

bound up the wounds I didn't see

and became the soul I would

for all that you've given to me....

(this is my latest song)

You made me...ME!!

before I was myself, you made me Me.

with love and patience, discipline and tears.

then, bit by bit, stepped back to set me free,

allowing me to sail upon my sea,

though well within the headlands of your fears.

before I was myself, you made me, Me!!

with dreams enough of what I was to be

and hopes that would be sculpted by the years

then, bit by bit, stepped back to set me free

relinquishing your powers gradually

to let me shape myself among my peers

before I was myself, you made me, Me.

and being cold and wise, you gracefully

as dancers, when the last sweat condenses,

bit by bit stepped back to set me free,

for love inspires learning naturally

the mind ascends to what the heart reveres

and, so it was, through love you made me, Me..

by slowly stepping back to set me free!!

THANKS MA!!

The INABILITY

I smile at him.

there comes a shine

in his distant eyes,

but he cannot curve

his lips pasted on his paralysed body.

yet, the tears rooted in this inability,

flow from his unblinking eyes.

he tries to move his limbs,

like once he used to,

but all that shows

is his God-gifted Inability.

his eyes grow num again.

from shame? from embarassment?

from sorrow? or from an unfelt pain?

he tries to speak.

he can't even mumble.

he can't even write.

he can't even fumble.

the man who he once was,

now, is the cause of his shame.

the pride that he'd once acquired,

is now in rubbles..he's lame.

not for us, but for himself.

the Inability takes over achievements.

its not his fault.

its nobody's fault.

its just a wicked game

which everybody's God plays.

he's paralysed.

his life pains him beyond words.

all those beautiful successes of his life

are now images he can't match.

KILL HIM, O Lord,

Kill him if You can't cure him

but don't be so cruel, as to,

prolong the life which is now

a curse to him.

It ain't no elixir

he's been lying this way for months.

even the laws are so wicked.

they stop us from

granting him the death he'd welcome.

end his Inability, Lord...

or END HIM.

children

every child is born
with a need for wonder;
he wants to turn his eyes
on something he can admire,
to be led to a mountaintop
where he can
contemplate the splendid view,
the changing light,
the snow,
the reflections on ice,
and the soaring eagle,
majestically protecting its young,
as human parents ought to do, too.

but instead,
the landscpe that stretches out
before many children,
all the way to the horizon,
is often nothing
but an open-air rubbish dump,
where automobile carcasses,
broken chairs and plastic bags
litter the ground:
a single expanse
of desolation and disorder.

even stuck in such a situation,
a child can manage
to find something to admire-
a marble, perhaps-
and for a fraction of a second,
the world contains no more shadows
and shines in his hands!!

said it...mean it

yeah...right!!
i wanna love you tonight!
yeah...right!!
i wanna hold you tight!
yeah...right!!
you know it, baby, don't you?!
am i right?
all i, now, want is you!!

say it now...
say those words again.
say it now...
call my name again.
say it now...
you know what i wanna hear.
say it...please!
say that even you want me near...

i like it...
i like when you hold me...
i like it...
i like when you touch me.
i like it...
i like when every moment seems new!
i like it...
rather i love it when you smile when i say
"I Love You"!!

m0mmA....

i know i'm bad, momma
but i'll try to be good
there are lots of things in store
and i shall do them, i would!
but the way you
turn your face
hiding your hurt,
i do feel the disgrace.
Momma, please,
please don't give up on me.
one day i would shine.
and make you proud of me.

i know, when you held me
for the first time,
you must have woven
some dreams, sublime.
but when i break away,
when i kill your Gospels,
when i don't listen
i see the anger you don't dispel.
Momma, please,
please scoff at me
slap me, make me cry,
don't let your anger be.

the day i confronted
your eyes went sad.
your stare still questions me
it was the limit you'd had
your taunts aren't enough
i have deterred
when you still laugh with me,
your tolerance i revere!
Momma, please,
please keep talking to me
don't go silent like you did
it killed the heck outta me.

Momma, hold me,
cradle me again.
teach me life's rules
i have begun to love the pain.
Momma, your baby needs you.
everyone leaves my hand.
if i lie in your lap and just cry
would u not ask anything and understand?
i know you will
as you have always understood
Momma, stay like the moonlight,
in these dark, dense woods.

I LOVE U, MOMMA!!
because you're so selfless
you give me the space
you embrace when i'm helpless.
i'd always stand-by you
because you hang-on
you lend careful ears to me
even when my cacophony is on!

I LOVE YOU, MOMMA...
and i love when you dislike me being forlorn....

Dreamzzzz.....

we shouldn't have kissed
i knew it'd be the last we'll have
u shouldn't have reciprocated
i know all what i cannot have...
reading b/w the lines, i knew
i was never the prime
did i demand anything?
then how did we become ashes and wine?
sometimes the questions should just be
ur not here to provide the answers
images suffocate my resolve
the past is now a sketchy picture
lier? ditch? or cheat?
what name have u given to me?
i know nothing would matter
shall i just let it be?
its hard now, 'coz i dream of u...
every waking moment!
i dream of u...
when my sleep offends.
i dream of u...
and i know i'd never repent...
i dream of u...
these dreams wouldn't end!!

i'm so frail for u
that i can't even cry
one day i thought i'd ask u,
"don't let me go even if i'd say goodbye"
oh! but here, its u on the move!
and i don't even have the courage
to stop u from going
i don't even know if this is disgrace!
things are ending soon
and i'd turn to be empty for sure!!
'coz the only resonance i had
is in my life no more!!
crawling back to where i was
the way is such a long road
i'm slowly losing my immune
and soon i'd run outta all i'd stored!!
i can't even see properly
i'm lost and forgotten to be deft
there would be nothing now
oh, wait, there's something left...
dreams of u...
can i keep them please!?!
i wanna dream of u
and let them be my disease.
in those dreams of u
u won't let me be down on knees
and when i'd dream of u,
i'd dream of us and won't let it cease!!

Just a Friend....

i knew u care
when i'd slit my wrist
and U went
through a nightmare!!

i knew i am important
when u sit by me
bring me smiles
rebuke me for being despondent!

i know i am a despot
for u, over ur heart
'coz every time i ask u anything,
u do it with a nod!!

i know u love me
when yesterday in the rains
u looked at me, and in an instance
u said, "set ur tears free"

u know u have a halo
'round ur head
so glowing that it brings
a sudden spring to my fallow!!

y do u do this?
y am i entitled to so much?
whenever i'm in dungeons,
how do u manage to bring bliss?

i feel its an unfair deal
u'll deny that, even that i know.
but i fell u really
lug me, with a great ordeal!!

sorry 'coz i hurt u
even now i am, i know
y u're so kind?
y don't u exclaim, "Phew"!!

singing songs for me
could've helped way back
but when u still do it,
u really sound funny!!

and. yess, how could i
forget ur famous gesture
when i thrust my poems in ur hands
and u keep rolling ur eyes!!

ur stupid, a dumb buff!
but i like u this way
when u're out to straighten things
and mess up all the stuff!!!

ok..ok.. too much has been said
but dare u comment
or ask me anything
i'm sure gonna leave u dead!!!

ultimate scamper

y do i love u?
i don't know!
i love u...
that's all i know!!
funny, its becoming...
do i have any love left in me?
i have given u my all
n u've chosen to be free...
left behind in this dark,
i can see more clearly
i am bleeding
the wounds have bore deeply
this time i thought, oh y?,
ur goina stay!
abandoned, when u were,
my last gleaming ray
beautiful ur sacrifices!
and now, here, what's my fault?
for no reason u called me fake!
is it over? i'm still on a hault!!
do i need my time?
or have i already decided?
u said u loved me too
was it so frail to have subsided?
nothing's appealing to me now
everything hurts coz its all fine
inside there's such a turmoil
the reasons, the lines... undefined!
what have u done?
i wont ask y?
ur reasons r urs only
but u didn't even say "Goodbye"!!
everything has reached limits
i've jumped off the las precipice!
the only love of my life
has become my extreme vice!!
would i have to scamper
and collect my pieces again?
shattered worse than a mirror
i can't even feel the pain...
no tears came this time
the loss is far too great
teach me a last lesson, plzz...
teach me how to hate!!
what did i do wrong?
even the question isn't strong
but i'm not questioning u...
i've been thinking loud for so long...
u must b right...
i can't even take a stand
it has been quite a blow
i'm unable to understand...
left my hand,
yes u can very well go
even if i beg, u won't stop
and someday, even i might forgo!!

Strangers.....

they are holding hands and walking...
but their hands... are they even holding??
her fingers are slipping out of his grip
he's carelessly walking, did he even grip?
they both are looking the opposite directions
wandering uselessly without corrections.
"do u wanna talk?" she asks, not looking at him
he just looks at her, turns his face again, "hmm..."
"what do u think we r doing?" he asks...
she gives a thought, "playing a game of masks".
"are u wearing one right now?"
"no, i've managed to take it off somehow"
he again looks at her, she's gazing distant
"ur beautiful", that was the impulse of the instance.
she stops, tears fill her eyes, she doesn't know why?
"i'm tired, my love, y don't we give ourselves a try?"
now he grips her slipping fingers and holds her hand
in their eyes, they could see a terrifying quicksand.
"i want u", his voice was almost a whisper
"then i'll fight for both of us"...though she couldn't decipher.
they sat by the river, just gazing into the waters...
she leaned on his shoulder, now they won't falter...
distant somewhere the birds chirped goodbyes to the setting sun...
after the turbulence, those two strangers were, at last, one!!

..................................................

i gasped as i kissed ur lips
sensuous softness, my heart in flips...
that soft tongue exploring me
quenching the thirst i'd let to be!
that tender caressing of my contours
the teasing rubbing of nose on nose...
ur hand seems so cold upon my skin underneath
even ur skin is so warm beneath...
the way u thrusted me on the wall,
ur d surest resurrection of 'em all...
ur leg, oh, how it parted mine
and we moved even closer, our eyes aligned!
the way u pushed back my hair from my face
u cornered me... ur arms, my only place!!
how u bent down to kiss the nape of my neck
fanning my desires, spec-in-spec...
the time must have stopped there, it seems
'coz those moments were each like an eternity!
again that throbbing dance of pulses when we smooched
it were not only mine, even ur senses were soothed!
didn't even know when we soared high...
perched upon the precipice of the last gleam in d sky...
so hard was it becoming to curb the unsaid
the creeping sensations swirling our heads!
as if a lightening struck us from its din,
u stepped back, still fighting urself, "Get in"...
i really rushed away from u, for i had to control
i guess in our different worlds, we sure were on paroles!
that charm couldn't end, it hasn't ended still...
though it makes me cringe, nostalgic and ill!!
my insides still crunch, i still can see...
demanding less than u gave, when u really lurched on me!!

i can still feel i'm shaking down inside...
its such a flush, i fail miserably when i try to hide...
have i become so addicted to u? i think so!
its u in my every moment, i cannot forgo!!
i don't care if, to u, i mean a thing or not...
i have started to just accept it all, somewhat!
can't be greatful anymore to any God who heard...
the prayers i prayed without being able to decipher!
i'm so profoundly in what is known as "love"
ur really my every answer, God sent, from up above!!