INFECTIOUS

can't even scribble properly

no thoughts come to my mind

it's almost like i've crossed decades

and left myself far behind!!

these lonely roads towards Nothing

are wary, now, of my tedious steps

these winds, the sun, the moon, the stars

they all know that for me, nothing helps

the faded smiles, this lame heart

the running away from the jargons of life

finding one cold burrow, to be left alone

where happiness no more seems to be hyped!!

...Infectious...

my soul and my mind!

...Infectious...

these feelings of another kind!

...Infectious...

aficionados towards the pain!

...Infectious...

the grief hits back again!!

all those accessories of sedation,

have failed to fake an illusion

of this world and of my friends

of people searching for no solutions!!

drowned in the guilt of no sin done as yet,

all clones mock and laugh at me

and then there's my sublime faith_

it would all fade away-- let it be!!

yet it does not go, it stays right here

i'm not happy, yet i'm not in blues

i'm just so writhered and so disgusted

i'm so hollow inside and i blame you!!

...Infectious...

those lonely nights i woke up for you!!

...Infectious...

the swollen eyes, my bad blood, blue!!

...Infectious...

the craving i have for these reasons new!!

...Infectious...

the bluddy fact that I STILL NEED YOU!!

NATURE TALKS......

so many times i have walked
that long road to my house...
alone,under the grey sky
with cold wind blowing, ah! my muse!!
sometimes that cold wind
soothes the deep burns inside
sometimes its like a whiplash
on all those thoughts i cannot subside!
sometimes i feel like the autumn leaf
so frail and devoid of its roots
carried away on the cold shoulders
burried somewhere, sacrificed for new fruits!
so many times these dense grey clouds
act as my cover from the Almighty God..
so that i do not shy away from confessions
the unbearable mistakes of this sod!!
when sometimes my i-pod runs outta batteries
i climb to my terrace in search of evening birds
their loud chirping talks with their friends
seem like music, as i adore the blossoming buds

Nature, Nature....
how carefully she wraps me in her beautiful arms
talking to me, listening to me, fanning me with tender gusts
Nature, my Mother....
so identical, so loving and selfless in their affection
caring for a freak like me...dripping with emotions!!!

HYBRID

this pain is so dumb

i find myself go numb

and the irony is that i still smile!!

these frail emotions,

surpassing all commotions

and someday,

my madness was worthwhile!!

these deafening voices

of all my vices

call me, scathe me

and avenge for my mind

this hybrid theory

of my internal gory

shuts me off from you

leaves my eyes blind...

its so intoxicating,

the blending of pain

and masochism, free ride!!

its so demeaning,

the smiles i still fake

creating my dungeons to hide!

this hybrid theory

of my internal gory

shuts me off from you...

so come like a rain

in my garden of disdain

and wash my winter snow so blue...

you know, here without you,

even these damned thoughts seem new!

and heaviness sets a certain desire...

you knew i need you, yea!?!?

still my voice couldn't convey,

how this want set me on fire....

this hybrid theory

of my internal gory

shuts me off from you...

so come like a breath

in the gasp of my death

and feel what i've held so true.....

PRAY....

THE SMILE FADES AS I SEE YOUR FACES...

SO HELPLESS AND AGONISED

IN EXTREME TRAUMA, YOU STILL FIGHT

YOUR HOPES AND PRAYERS LEAVE ME SURPRISED!!

UNDER THE SHADOW OF THE TERROR,

YOU ALL HAVE THE WILL TO SURVIVE.

ALONGWITH THE RESCUE FORCES,

YOU FIGHT YOUR OWN FEARS AND STRIFE...

I WISH THE WORLD WASN'T SUCH-

WHERE EVERY MIND WOULD BE SCARED

I WISH THERE WERE NO MORE TERRORISTS,

INSTEAD WOULD BE THE PEOPLE WHO'LL CARE!!

I WISH NO CHILD WOULD BE ORPHANED,

BY THE BRUTAL PLANS OF FANATICS...

I WISH THERE WOULD BE NO BLOODSHED...

BECAUSE OF A HANDFUL OF LUNATICS!!

ITS TIME NOW WE COME TOGETHER AND PRAY-

PRAY FOR A BETTER WORLD, PRAY FOR PEACE,

PRAY THAT WE ARE NO MORE SCARED TO COMBAT THEM,

PRAY THAT THIS Jehad, THESE Crusades, THESE FANATICS WOULD CEASE.....

wat to do????

in utter insensitivity towards my own interests, i have charred my p.c screen!!....so i'm on the mercy of my college authorities to allow me to blog from over here!!!

i do not hope to get caught!!

past few days have been a real headache!!!

and its been a terrible time doing things under my lecturers' commands...but the fests are here,,,and i did not think before joining any of the societies over here...that i also would have to work hard!!! tsk! tsk!!

anyways...things have been straightening out a bit...and i'm happy to have been spared the tedious running around uselessly!!

from quite some days,,,my family and everyone around me, including me, are thinking dat i'm goin nuts!! and worse, into some sort of depression...and i'm taken aback how the much needed silence i'd enforced upon me, have sent wrong, terribly wrong signals to all!!!

however, life hasnt been fair to me either!!!

its been so unwise and deliberately haunting!!!!!!

i guess its just d tiredness maybe something else, but i havent even wrote something worth posting up over here,,,,

i hope to be back in my hues again....

take care

SHADOW DREAMZZZ!!!!

the days are so dull
and the nights spent in longing
losing it all over just on an issue
and once, i was scared of belonging!!
the envisioning of this frenzied mind
the cusps on the curb to lay down and die...
i hang on to the hopes held so deep
one day, we'll meet... but we'll also say "Goodbye"!!
coz i know these are shadow dreams
they take me to a bend
where there are we both, alone!
but, then, i know... I'm not even a friend!!
the pictures which come when i close my eyes
the provocative fantasies that are engraved...
i don't know if i'd want them or not
but towards them, i feel so enslaved..
it comes naturally to me, like the air to the lungs,

the desire, the need, the knowing that there's just you...

but time 'n' again, i'm thrown alone with them

drowsed in all the agonising shades of blue!!

coz i know that these are shadow dreams

yet they take me away to a bend...

where i'm just yours, and you are mine...

but, then, i know-- i'm not even a friend!!

THE FORGOTTEN

Screaming from deep inside,

No foundation to hold.
Life scrambles about,

With no salvation seekable.

Breathing deeply,

They stare,

They watch,
Yet still,

Life does no notice.

Why?

Why does life pass so quickly,
No great accomplishments are made,
Unspeakable memories crowd them,
Heartache and sorrow,
Unwant and pain.

They sit,

They stare,
The cold swallows them,
The frost bites at them,
Yet life takes no interest.
Life leaves them;

Deserts them,
Leaving them so many cares,

So many wonders,
But still no speck of a significant life.

just another stupidity!!

“what is love…if you can lose everything?” I often asked this to everybody who claimed to be in love. One person even said, “lose it all…its fuckin’ worth it!” and I just laughed it off!! I gave him a certain explanations…but more than to him, I was wxplaining things to myself. Things and reasons…which could prevent me from loving someone beyond my capabilities!!
All my life, since I started to know about people and emotions, and deciet, up till now, I was always scared of love. I always believed that love isn’t for me. Now I realize that up till now, I wasn’t really worthy of love!
After reading a certain piece if my writing, one of my mentors, way older than me, said, “Now you have again restored my beliefs in love!” On the same piece, my mom commented, “I’m falling in love all over again! You understand the risks involved and the prices that need to be paid.” But, frankly, now when I read what I wrote back then, it seems more like an account of a scared kid who was daring enough to fiddle with life, but so immature to take a risk regarding her own feelings!!
I found someone and fell head over heels for him. I thought it was what they call “love”… how wrong was I!?! I realized it last night that it was just a mad, blinding, crazy infatuation! Love is not blind! Though it compels you to follow your heart without a question, it makes you do extremely stupid things for somebody- things, which otherwise you wouldn’t have done for anybody!!
“Love”, as they say, makes you wake for nights, just thinking about your mate, thinking about the things you’d like to tell him/her whenever you meet/talk next… pretty much like planning, eh! “Love” makes you feel the “beauty of a jilted flower”, and the pleasure “of the December chills on your naked body”… but, then, “Love”, as they call it, also makes you so involved that a mere thought of losing the one, brings tears to your eyes.. it made me cry when we reached the verge! “Love”, as they call it, makes you unsure of what exactly you want out of it. Some even go to the extent of saying, “Love and Death are sister-concerns!”
BULLSHIT!!
Yesterday while reading a book by Paulo Coelho, I learnt that so far I’d been letting the “Other”, as he terms it, to intrude into my emotions. This “Other” doesn’t let us be what we actually should have been… instead it makes us become what we think is the right way to be!!
All this while, since I thought I was in love, I was scared of him, scared of “losing” myself completely to him. I told him that I cannot grant him my “seriousness”… and I knew that he deserved it all, and I knew it was useless to hold back… knowing all this, made me scared of him. Now it almost makes me laugh!! I thought I love him. On second thoughts, I still think that I do love him… but now, the picture is so different.
I was flustered by my feelings. I was frustrated over my uncontrolled emotions. I was angry upon myself for missing him every minute. I was agitated why anything analogical to my rush made me go back to every memory related to him!?!
Everything that catches you off-guard cannot be accepted for sometime. Same was the case with me… I couldn’t believe that a girl like me can be so swayed away by emotions… and just when my heart started to give up, and I prepared to run away from him, just when I decided that I’m giving it all up… my friend came to my rescue. She urged me to accept everything I’d been trying to deny to myself. She coaxed me to take a risk this time even and follow my instincts!! (She believes my instincts are true to me!)
I took the risk, I accepted that “Yes, I’m seriously involved this time…”
I could feel my rush taking a new course!! I no longer need him to hear me out whenever I’m feeling low. I no longer miss him. I no longer feel that its necessary for me to sort out my emotions. Because now I really feel that he’s as much a part of me…as my mind!! And now I realize that what someone told me, was quite true, “Lose it all… its fuckin’ worth it!!”
Yes, he’s worth it. And yes, now I’m worthy too!!
Maybe I’m sounding like lunatics, and maybe my words make no sense at all!!
“SON LOS LOCOS QUE INVENTARON EL AMOR”
The song is right- It must have been the lunatics who invented love!
And now, that I know that I love him, I’m no longer scared of him. I’m no longer scared of being a maniac! And now that I’ve accepted that I’m serious for him, I’m no longer scared of losing him even… and I know that’s inevitable! Because I’m happy that there was somebody in my life who could bring this out from me… who could actually make me realize that “limit” shall be no word in life! And I’m happy that I shared myself with him!!

Yes, I do sound like a maniac!!

i could have....(the final parting words for someone who was once the dearest!)

when the winter gave way to spring,
but the dew still settled on flowers,
i liked you back then, when you loved me
i could have given my heart to you in June showers!!


i remember your eyes when you proposed..
they were wet with emotions, they were true
i remember how i liked you when you sang songs to me..
i could have stayed in your arms, and drowned in you!!


how i sometimes miss those stupid little jokes we cracked
and that insane code-language which only we could understand..
i remember those nights we spent chatting away..
i could have chosen you to hold my hand!!


so vividly i do remember the kiss we stole,
when you sneaked on my rooftop on New Year's eve
i still remember the thrill of your seduction..
i could have surrendered to your touch so deep!!


now when i look back, i no longer feel the pain
instead, now i cherish what we used to be!
that was the first time i felt so close to someone..
someone who just knew how to steal myself away from me!!


i could have let you to touch my core..
i could have been yours, alone..
i could have never left you..
i could have Loved You......
but i just couldn't!!!

FORSAKEN

Look at her,
her face drips blood,
pouring tears of acid rain.

Heartache all among the ruins,
lost in a world of confusion,
minds all crazed and broken parted,
faces grey and rotting corpses.

Sitting lost among the living,
watching, waiting, needing something.

Fire from hell itself,
never ending to be out.
Fear gripped faces of the future,
longing to feel the warmth,

Look around the world of living,
wonder why there's nothing there.
People round the world are calling,
walking into danger's core.

Laughter gone and submersed,
screams anger from inside,
seize the darkness,
come down under.

Watch the moments grow stronger,
looking down i see your pain,
anger deep in core of man,
it wishes to be free to wander,
longing for something to hold.

Watch the clock as it ticks by,
death is coming in with every breath,
wait a minute, stop the yelling,
voices start to fade and wander,
calling out as they go by.

People wishing, people dreaming,
saying prayers no one hears.
looking up they see the light,
going down the pain grows stronger.
For one moment it seems right,
for one second they can't wait.
Screaming as they go down under,
pain is coming, they can feel.

Watching, waiting and wondering,
looking for something to grasp.
Asking when will it be over,
getting nothing in return.

SURRENDER

In the abyss of time
you've been played like a toy
the rhythm of the pendulum
will rip you a void
mind,structure,and spirit
you begin to lose control

love will forfeit you
to a place that's damp and cold
empty and alone
hiding in the dark
you've suffered this before
with a decaying heart
fastened in your thoughts
imprisoned behind bars
crimson gore will trickle
down those pale-dead arms

nightmares of the past
entities you've lost
happiness and joy
frozen, unable to defrost
eyelids linger shut
betrayal of light
because of the massacres
you surrender to the night

LAYERS OF MYSELF

Let me out
Set me free

I need to be set free
I'm burning up inside from crying about nothing.
Let me out,Let me out!!

Let me fly
Let my wings expand
Let my feathers fly away into the sunset
Let me free out of this cage, it is too small.
Take me away
Take me away from this place
Take me away from him
Take me home with you I need out of this place
It is to complicated and scary.

Leave me alone
Just let me free for a day or two
I need time to figure out who are my friends and who aren't.
Just let me out, set me free, let me fly

I'm a bird that needs to migrate south,
So let me free, let me go
I'll be back at summer.
I promise I will be back in time
For hot summer days
To go jump the ice cold pool.

I'm a polar bear just let me sleep my anger off during the winter.
I promise I will be back
For those hot ball games with sunflower seeds.

I promise I will love you,
Just give me some time,
Give me some space to think.

PLIGHT OF BEING.......19!!!!

plight of being 19, is more than grave!

sometimes, i'm made to feel, i recieved more than i gave!!

sometimes i feel being unfair to, and treated bad...

the plight of being 19, is to take pride in being uselessly sad!!!

plight of being 19, is that you just never know!

unknowingly, shamelessness becomes a part of the status quo!!

the feeling of being a part of everything, yet away from all...

the plight of being 19, are the changing fashions with every fall!!!

plight of being 19, is the social acceptance!

the matching vibes and intellectual equivalence!!

discussions about politics, wardrobes and boyfriends...

the plight of being 19, is that these discussions never end!!!

plight of being 19, is the liking towards blaring music!

finding it is cool to be on-the-face and abusive!!

driving bikes and cars top gear, full- speed, just to show-off...

the plight of being 19, is to give the parents an endless list to scoff!!!

plight of being 19, is that money never stays!
no matter how much the pocket-money, it all goes away!!
tempted by Mills'n'Boons, about privacy, so neurotic...
the plight of being 19, is the challenge to stay-off from narcotics!!!

plight of being 19, is actually no "plight" at all..

its just superficial confusions, that's all!!

time 'n' again struck by the Cupid descending from the moon...

the last part of being 19, is that this stupid Teenage would end soon!!!

BROKEN!!

song written by- Persei

lyrics & sung by-- ME!!!!

I FEEL TIED AGAIN

I CAN'T MOVE ANYMORE

THINK I'M DYING AGAIN

NO ONE CARES FOR ME....

ANYMORE....

I CAN SEE THIS MUCH

THAT THEY CAN'T SEE I'M CRYING

RATHER BE THIS WAY

THAN TO MAKE THEM FEEL DISMAYED

I FEEL BROKEN

BEING MISTAKEN

I FEEL CHEATED

BEEN MISTREATED

NEVER THOUGHT THIS FAR

THE THINGS I LOST WERE NEAR

LOST IN LABYRINTH OF TIME

THE ONLY REASON I THOUGHT TO BE ME...

TRIED TO OPEN MY EYES

TO THE UNREAL THINGS AHEAD

DAZED IN STRAIN OF MY ROT

MY HATE IS ONLY REAL, AS I SEE...

COZ,

I FEEL BROKEN

BEING MISTAKEN

I FEEL CHEATED

BEEN MISTREATED

I FEEL LOST IN PAIN

I FEEL MY ALL MIGHT IS DRAINED...

I FEEL BROKEN, AGAIN....

SOMEDAY I'LL FIND MY WAY,

WHEN I'LL BE FREE....

sometimes...Goodbye is the only way....

Goodbye!

one word, so easy to say, so hard to mean!

Goodbye!

one end... troubling you, killing me...

standing in the doorway of past,

outside, the life is dancing, moving fast...

Goodbye!

i say to life, i say to the memories, i say to myself.

Goodbye!

i close the doors, to light, close it down to any help..

Goodbye!

incredulously, i lose the battle waging within.

Goodbye!

i say to the attitude with which i've always been...

sitting in the dark corners of gloom

fading smiles, in the wintery bloom...

Goodbye!

i say to the dew drops resting on the flowers

Goodbye!

i say to my every tear shed upon all my scars...

Is it so easy, then?

when i know that i'm still there from where i should have left!

Is it so easy, then?

when i know how bad i feel when life's no more deft!

Is it so easy, then?

when i know that the cherished smiles won't let me be...

Is it so easy, then?

when i know that life is a stage, and my part, a soliloquy!!

Is it so easy to say "Goodbye!"

when i need a support to help me stand?

Is it so easy?

when i need you to hold my hand?....

i let out the last sigh...

for now i know, i'm worth no more....

Goodbye!!!

when i think about you.....(a teenage-love-fantasy!!)

if i only had two wishes,

one of them would be

to live my life with you--

just the two of us for eternity...

i'd share my secrets with you

you'd always be the one i'd need..

you'd be my life and companion so true!!

when i go-off to sleep

and when i wake-up each day

i yearn to be with you

its impossible to stay away...

i'd love being able to grow old

as long as we are together

i'd see through the wrinkles even

honey, i'd love you forever...

our lives would race by us

its always the good times that go-by so fast

we'd have so much to look back on

when our lives would have finally passed.

and this brings me to my second wish

the one that would ward-off my every strife..

to not only live-in my dreams with you

and be so happy all along my life..

but to be able, at the end of my life,

make you feel the feelings you see in me,

to be able to die in your arms...

and have you hold me eternally!!!

(ahem!! didn't know from where did it come to me!!)

Living In A Nightmare!!!!!

i dozed-off in sweet-dreams

just to be shaken by reality

i felt protected in my rugs

before being shuddered by adversity..

it started with a bliss

with a peaceful mileu around

then it became all red

people all dead on ground!!

the redness of blood...

the stink of decaying rout...

i couldn't find my voice,

i couldn't even shout...

the face of death..

oh! it was so dignified!!

took so much alongwith

and left the survivors horrified!!

i woke up shivering

avoiding the clock's stare...

time is mocking upon us,

fleeting by & leaving us with this nightmare!!

we've covered the reddened grounds

with buildings of metal & steel

we have become armoured clowns--

people who can no longer feel!!

we have covered the truth

but cannot reduce it to a lie

and it shows its brutal face time 'n' again--

when many are forced to die

we live on countless innocents

who were slayed & shot dead

we walk everyday upon victims

of some savage, criminal head..

who's to play the hero,

when everything's unfair??

who'll save us countless, coward mortals...

living in a nightmare!?!?

UNFORTUNATE LOVE

what is that we conquer

when we fall in love??

endless pain!

tearful eyes!

sleeplessness, or

monsoon nights!!

sudden shudder of chilly winds!

or unexpected flashbacks of someone...

who's not with you anymore.....

a hollow heart, or fazed mind

or regret over unsaid feelings...

a sorrowful life!!

feeling of being not alive,

nor dead....

love, at the end,

is a mesmerised,

sorrowful...

an unfortunate tale!!!

SOMEWHERE......

somewhere, the sun rises

and in my mind, i see you beside me

somewhere, i cradle the phone

your voice still lingers in my ears

can you still hear me? do you still see?

you're all that i have, and will always be!

somewhere the rain starts to fall

and in my heart, i hold you close to me

somewhere i reach out my hand

wanting your fingers entwined with mine...

can you still feel me? do you still see?

you're all that i want, and will ever need!

somewhere the birds begin to sing

and in my soul, i ache to have you near me

somewhere i breathe out a soft, lonely sigh

your whispers echo in my mind...

can you still touch me? do you still see?

you're all i dream about, and forever you'll be!

somewhere the clouds drift slowly by

and in my ears, i hear you laugh

somewhere i look shyly at the ground

your eyes meet with mine

can you still need me? do you still see?

you're all i care about, and it'll always be!

somewhere across thousands of miles

my eyes look to the stars and i smile...

and in an instant, i realise.....

YOU AREN'T MINE!!!

MILES......

TURNING IN THE SILENCE

TO SEE THE REMAINS OF THE DAY

VANISH IN THE DUSK

YOU'RE HERE ALL AT ONCE

YOU'RE REMEMBERED

BY ALL THOSE THINGS

WE DIDN'T SAY TO EACH OTHER

REPLACED BY SUPERFICIAL WORDS

OF SUPPORT

AND PROMISES

OF DAYS, MONTHS AND YEARS

ALWAYS LOOKING FOR YOU....

I DON'T SEE YOU BEFORE ME NOW

BUT YOUR SCENT IS HELD WITHIN

YOUR FACE IS HAPPY, BUT SILENT

AND I FEEL THE MILES INSIDE......!!!

the heartbreak teenager....

secrets, secrets!

lies, lies!

she sits in her room,

and cries and cries!!

there's no more trust

in this girl's heart...

she found out--

that life isn't perfect!

she lived in her dreams

as people often do.

but she crawled out

into a world everyone knew..

things that once were,

happiness once known

the truth of it all,

to her was shown!!

her shattered heart

would never trust again..

she'll never know

a real true love again!!

no more trust

for no more lies...

she sits in her room,

away she dies.......!!

since before....

since before i read your poems,

i've loved you!!

since before i found your soul repeating my thoughts

prior to when i uttered them,

i've loved you!!

since before your face walked into the depths of my heart,

i've loved you!!

i've loved you before i even knew of love!

i've loved you before i was aware of our connection!

i've loved you when silence was the only companion

which shared the journey of my days!!

so, ask me not what this moment brings

when you cross my thoughts

with a warm smile played upon the fingers of my words..

ask me not, for this is an instance

where all that is required of us

is to listen to the sound of my soul's harbinger

wafting idly the wings of my dreams...

while your reflection is observed

in the teacups of my existence

an offer of the surety that at such a time

even a silent breeze breaks the most sardonic of quiets

with that silent whisper, my angel,

I've LOVED YOU!!!

the language of your dance....(a friend wrote dat for me!)

in blinding lights,

what is this dance you do?

your movements move me..

your locks flow...

your legs continue to move with such grace..

your arms and hands show every emotion

you've been scared,

your heart been broken

your eyes show so much passion!!

what is this dance you do!?!?

its an unknown language...

as your hair slashes your face,

your footwork kept the beat

such grace, so poised

your eyes show so much pain...

when you twirled, it was as if

a fountain of tears swirled around you...

your motion and motivation tears my heart

this unknown language of sadness, yet passion

is finally understood....

The Language Of Dance

its what you speak...

and only i understood

its what only i can understand!!

(i must say dat i'm whole heartedly flattered!!)

LIFE TODAY IS.....

red grass, grey skies.
sick people, sad goodbyes.
dark days, empty nights.
dying people, violent fights.
frightened kids, scared moms.
divorced parents, lost bonds.
starving children, bloodthirsty thugs.
innocent victims, kids with drugs.
devil worshippers, constant crime.
shot of a gun, nothing's fine.

careless adults, confused youth.
countless faults, child abuse.
selling drugs, peer pressure.
spreading AIDS, prostitute pleasure.
daily abductions, victims of rape.
so much pain, few ever escape.

turning to suicide, ending the life.
psycho pathkillers, blade of a knife.
agony of loss, a broken heart.
painful love, being ripped apart.
homeless people, the joy of hurting.
a love's child, so many uncertain.
pregnant teens, unstoppable STDs.
ashamed heritage, so many wannabes.
sibling hatered, dangerous obssessions.
optionated critics, devastating suggestions.

killing family, betraying friends.
as lust begins, honesty ends...
hopeless tomorrow, doubtful future.
destroying the mind, sickening humour.
neverending illness, too much disease.

can it stop ever? someone tell me please!!

animal-like torture, alone a new-born cry.
abandoned infants, left to die.
sleeping around, simply for lust.
decietful fellows, losing all trust.
breaking the laws, getting away.
courtroom injustice, its the victims who pay!!

who's wrong? who's right?
criminals admired, have we lost sight!?!

broken families, few who pray.
the ugliest outlook coming-off each day
forgotten morals, money-hungry fools.
disgraceful greed, all befriend to use!!

so many questions, such few answers
waiting to know, but all happens much faster
when did it happen? how did it start?
who's to blame for letting our world fall apart!?!?

.......GONE!!!!!

how i searched far and wide

by the beach, watching the tide

everyone watched how i cried

inside.... my soul died!!

wondering why things always fall apart

how i long for a fresh new start

for the pain has made its mark

and my heart is in so dark..

tears fall from my eyes

from hearing everyone's lies

inside, my heart dies!!

i look at you

wondering what i'll do!?!

my wants are, but, few

still, you haven't got a clue

you leave no words at all

a dumb silence for my call

and i grasp at blindness in dark...

the feelings are still there

even after knowing no-one cares

all everyone does is stare

i give the last sigh of grief

for then i know its all over...

the memories fade to a shadow

for then i realise.....

I'M GONE!!!

LONELY...

lonely voices crying in the city

lonely voices sounding like a child!

lonely people looking around in the city

too disturbed, to stop a while...

lonely voices fill my dreams

lonely voices haunt my memories

lonely faces looking for the sunrise..

just to find another busy day!!

lonely faces all around the city

men afraid and too ashamed to pray

lonely faces i do see

lonely faces haunt my memories...

lonely people live in every city

men who face a dark, lonely grave...

lonely faces i do see...

lonely voices calling to you and me....

bad-blood!!!

sometimes when i just sit down...
and push my brains into some rare thinking,
some thoughts then flash into my mind..
and i wonder if my my life's really stinking!?!


my stands are always questioned, i'm a declared addict!
my mind is contagious..and dark are my verdicts!!


its all in my head, yet, i can't explain..
its all in my wounds, still you won't see my pain!!


my mind is dead, my thoughts are gore..
i get enough poison to drink, yet i want more!!


i wanna see your limits, i'm holding hard on my nerve
you call me dark, yes..my aura is murk!!
you have questions to ask, but nothing i'd like to tell
you call me stubborn...yes, arrogance fills my every cell!!

its all in my head, yet i can't explain
its all in my wounds, still you won't see my pain...

i think it's a stinky sty you've made, and you call me unfit!!
i'm wasted in your world, you haven't even left my bit...

my mind has become dead, and my thoughts too gore..
i get enough poison to drink, yet, just gimme more!!!

(okk now....i know this is pretty much like an alien's account...!!)