....$T@Y...

you're so not here

then why are you still near?

these woes so unsaid and unheard

my tendencies are becoming my fears!!

once there was sharing

there was an attitude of caring

now there's a damn for these hurts

i don't care how am i faring!!

its just like it was yesterday

not distant, prolonged or far away...

the agonies drown in reminiscing

until reality raises another today!!

i miss sometimes those stupid smiles i had

deepening feelings, enigmatic, too bad!!

it was true till an extent, i still think

yet nothing excites me anymore, too sad!!

there was a phase that sure does come

instead of the warning bells, i did succumb...

now the leftovers bring a tear, dont know why!?!

is this the face of the girl i have become?

the parties are fun no more

faking every thought i lived for!

holding my own hand, i have to stand-by

this never used to be the case before!!

is this the end or still a pause?

is this any judgement or just a clause??

with trmbling hands i jot down shits...

i maybe not worth, but who doesn't have flaws???

stay! my ragged breathing helps me not..

stay!! this soul is stuck in devastating clots..

stay!! my heart is scattered in bits..

stay! for without you....

Don't even wanna give it a thought!!!

INFECTIOUS

can't even scribble properly

no thoughts come to my mind

it's almost like i've crossed decades

and left myself far behind!!

these lonely roads towards Nothing

are wary, now, of my tedious steps

these winds, the sun, the moon, the stars

they all know that for me, nothing helps

the faded smiles, this lame heart

the running away from the jargons of life

finding one cold burrow, to be left alone

where happiness no more seems to be hyped!!

...Infectious...

my soul and my mind!

...Infectious...

these feelings of another kind!

...Infectious...

aficionados towards the pain!

...Infectious...

the grief hits back again!!

all those accessories of sedation,

have failed to fake an illusion

of this world and of my friends

of people searching for no solutions!!

drowned in the guilt of no sin done as yet,

all clones mock and laugh at me

and then there's my sublime faith_

it would all fade away-- let it be!!

yet it does not go, it stays right here

i'm not happy, yet i'm not in blues

i'm just so writhered and so disgusted

i'm so hollow inside and i blame you!!

...Infectious...

those lonely nights i woke up for you!!

...Infectious...

the swollen eyes, my bad blood, blue!!

...Infectious...

the craving i have for these reasons new!!

...Infectious...

the bluddy fact that I STILL NEED YOU!!

NATURE TALKS......

so many times i have walked
that long road to my house...
alone,under the grey sky
with cold wind blowing, ah! my muse!!
sometimes that cold wind
soothes the deep burns inside
sometimes its like a whiplash
on all those thoughts i cannot subside!
sometimes i feel like the autumn leaf
so frail and devoid of its roots
carried away on the cold shoulders
burried somewhere, sacrificed for new fruits!
so many times these dense grey clouds
act as my cover from the Almighty God..
so that i do not shy away from confessions
the unbearable mistakes of this sod!!
when sometimes my i-pod runs outta batteries
i climb to my terrace in search of evening birds
their loud chirping talks with their friends
seem like music, as i adore the blossoming buds

Nature, Nature....
how carefully she wraps me in her beautiful arms
talking to me, listening to me, fanning me with tender gusts
Nature, my Mother....
so identical, so loving and selfless in their affection
caring for a freak like me...dripping with emotions!!!

HYBRID

this pain is so dumb

i find myself go numb

and the irony is that i still smile!!

these frail emotions,

surpassing all commotions

and someday,

my madness was worthwhile!!

these deafening voices

of all my vices

call me, scathe me

and avenge for my mind

this hybrid theory

of my internal gory

shuts me off from you

leaves my eyes blind...

its so intoxicating,

the blending of pain

and masochism, free ride!!

its so demeaning,

the smiles i still fake

creating my dungeons to hide!

this hybrid theory

of my internal gory

shuts me off from you...

so come like a rain

in my garden of disdain

and wash my winter snow so blue...

you know, here without you,

even these damned thoughts seem new!

and heaviness sets a certain desire...

you knew i need you, yea!?!?

still my voice couldn't convey,

how this want set me on fire....

this hybrid theory

of my internal gory

shuts me off from you...

so come like a breath

in the gasp of my death

and feel what i've held so true.....

PRAY....

THE SMILE FADES AS I SEE YOUR FACES...

SO HELPLESS AND AGONISED

IN EXTREME TRAUMA, YOU STILL FIGHT

YOUR HOPES AND PRAYERS LEAVE ME SURPRISED!!

UNDER THE SHADOW OF THE TERROR,

YOU ALL HAVE THE WILL TO SURVIVE.

ALONGWITH THE RESCUE FORCES,

YOU FIGHT YOUR OWN FEARS AND STRIFE...

I WISH THE WORLD WASN'T SUCH-

WHERE EVERY MIND WOULD BE SCARED

I WISH THERE WERE NO MORE TERRORISTS,

INSTEAD WOULD BE THE PEOPLE WHO'LL CARE!!

I WISH NO CHILD WOULD BE ORPHANED,

BY THE BRUTAL PLANS OF FANATICS...

I WISH THERE WOULD BE NO BLOODSHED...

BECAUSE OF A HANDFUL OF LUNATICS!!

ITS TIME NOW WE COME TOGETHER AND PRAY-

PRAY FOR A BETTER WORLD, PRAY FOR PEACE,

PRAY THAT WE ARE NO MORE SCARED TO COMBAT THEM,

PRAY THAT THIS Jehad, THESE Crusades, THESE FANATICS WOULD CEASE.....

wat to do????

in utter insensitivity towards my own interests, i have charred my p.c screen!!....so i'm on the mercy of my college authorities to allow me to blog from over here!!!

i do not hope to get caught!!

past few days have been a real headache!!!

and its been a terrible time doing things under my lecturers' commands...but the fests are here,,,and i did not think before joining any of the societies over here...that i also would have to work hard!!! tsk! tsk!!

anyways...things have been straightening out a bit...and i'm happy to have been spared the tedious running around uselessly!!

from quite some days,,,my family and everyone around me, including me, are thinking dat i'm goin nuts!! and worse, into some sort of depression...and i'm taken aback how the much needed silence i'd enforced upon me, have sent wrong, terribly wrong signals to all!!!

however, life hasnt been fair to me either!!!

its been so unwise and deliberately haunting!!!!!!

i guess its just d tiredness maybe something else, but i havent even wrote something worth posting up over here,,,,

i hope to be back in my hues again....

take care

SHADOW DREAMZZZ!!!!

the days are so dull
and the nights spent in longing
losing it all over just on an issue
and once, i was scared of belonging!!
the envisioning of this frenzied mind
the cusps on the curb to lay down and die...
i hang on to the hopes held so deep
one day, we'll meet... but we'll also say "Goodbye"!!
coz i know these are shadow dreams
they take me to a bend
where there are we both, alone!
but, then, i know... I'm not even a friend!!
the pictures which come when i close my eyes
the provocative fantasies that are engraved...
i don't know if i'd want them or not
but towards them, i feel so enslaved..
it comes naturally to me, like the air to the lungs,

the desire, the need, the knowing that there's just you...

but time 'n' again, i'm thrown alone with them

drowsed in all the agonising shades of blue!!

coz i know that these are shadow dreams

yet they take me away to a bend...

where i'm just yours, and you are mine...

but, then, i know-- i'm not even a friend!!