m0mmA....

i know i'm bad, momma
but i'll try to be good
there are lots of things in store
and i shall do them, i would!
but the way you
turn your face
hiding your hurt,
i do feel the disgrace.
Momma, please,
please don't give up on me.
one day i would shine.
and make you proud of me.

i know, when you held me
for the first time,
you must have woven
some dreams, sublime.
but when i break away,
when i kill your Gospels,
when i don't listen
i see the anger you don't dispel.
Momma, please,
please scoff at me
slap me, make me cry,
don't let your anger be.

the day i confronted
your eyes went sad.
your stare still questions me
it was the limit you'd had
your taunts aren't enough
i have deterred
when you still laugh with me,
your tolerance i revere!
Momma, please,
please keep talking to me
don't go silent like you did
it killed the heck outta me.

Momma, hold me,
cradle me again.
teach me life's rules
i have begun to love the pain.
Momma, your baby needs you.
everyone leaves my hand.
if i lie in your lap and just cry
would u not ask anything and understand?
i know you will
as you have always understood
Momma, stay like the moonlight,
in these dark, dense woods.

I LOVE U, MOMMA!!
because you're so selfless
you give me the space
you embrace when i'm helpless.
i'd always stand-by you
because you hang-on
you lend careful ears to me
even when my cacophony is on!

I LOVE YOU, MOMMA...
and i love when you dislike me being forlorn....

Dreamzzzz.....

we shouldn't have kissed
i knew it'd be the last we'll have
u shouldn't have reciprocated
i know all what i cannot have...
reading b/w the lines, i knew
i was never the prime
did i demand anything?
then how did we become ashes and wine?
sometimes the questions should just be
ur not here to provide the answers
images suffocate my resolve
the past is now a sketchy picture
lier? ditch? or cheat?
what name have u given to me?
i know nothing would matter
shall i just let it be?
its hard now, 'coz i dream of u...
every waking moment!
i dream of u...
when my sleep offends.
i dream of u...
and i know i'd never repent...
i dream of u...
these dreams wouldn't end!!

i'm so frail for u
that i can't even cry
one day i thought i'd ask u,
"don't let me go even if i'd say goodbye"
oh! but here, its u on the move!
and i don't even have the courage
to stop u from going
i don't even know if this is disgrace!
things are ending soon
and i'd turn to be empty for sure!!
'coz the only resonance i had
is in my life no more!!
crawling back to where i was
the way is such a long road
i'm slowly losing my immune
and soon i'd run outta all i'd stored!!
i can't even see properly
i'm lost and forgotten to be deft
there would be nothing now
oh, wait, there's something left...
dreams of u...
can i keep them please!?!
i wanna dream of u
and let them be my disease.
in those dreams of u
u won't let me be down on knees
and when i'd dream of u,
i'd dream of us and won't let it cease!!

Just a Friend....

i knew u care
when i'd slit my wrist
and U went
through a nightmare!!

i knew i am important
when u sit by me
bring me smiles
rebuke me for being despondent!

i know i am a despot
for u, over ur heart
'coz every time i ask u anything,
u do it with a nod!!

i know u love me
when yesterday in the rains
u looked at me, and in an instance
u said, "set ur tears free"

u know u have a halo
'round ur head
so glowing that it brings
a sudden spring to my fallow!!

y do u do this?
y am i entitled to so much?
whenever i'm in dungeons,
how do u manage to bring bliss?

i feel its an unfair deal
u'll deny that, even that i know.
but i fell u really
lug me, with a great ordeal!!

sorry 'coz i hurt u
even now i am, i know
y u're so kind?
y don't u exclaim, "Phew"!!

singing songs for me
could've helped way back
but when u still do it,
u really sound funny!!

and. yess, how could i
forget ur famous gesture
when i thrust my poems in ur hands
and u keep rolling ur eyes!!

ur stupid, a dumb buff!
but i like u this way
when u're out to straighten things
and mess up all the stuff!!!

ok..ok.. too much has been said
but dare u comment
or ask me anything
i'm sure gonna leave u dead!!!

ultimate scamper

y do i love u?
i don't know!
i love u...
that's all i know!!
funny, its becoming...
do i have any love left in me?
i have given u my all
n u've chosen to be free...
left behind in this dark,
i can see more clearly
i am bleeding
the wounds have bore deeply
this time i thought, oh y?,
ur goina stay!
abandoned, when u were,
my last gleaming ray
beautiful ur sacrifices!
and now, here, what's my fault?
for no reason u called me fake!
is it over? i'm still on a hault!!
do i need my time?
or have i already decided?
u said u loved me too
was it so frail to have subsided?
nothing's appealing to me now
everything hurts coz its all fine
inside there's such a turmoil
the reasons, the lines... undefined!
what have u done?
i wont ask y?
ur reasons r urs only
but u didn't even say "Goodbye"!!
everything has reached limits
i've jumped off the las precipice!
the only love of my life
has become my extreme vice!!
would i have to scamper
and collect my pieces again?
shattered worse than a mirror
i can't even feel the pain...
no tears came this time
the loss is far too great
teach me a last lesson, plzz...
teach me how to hate!!
what did i do wrong?
even the question isn't strong
but i'm not questioning u...
i've been thinking loud for so long...
u must b right...
i can't even take a stand
it has been quite a blow
i'm unable to understand...
left my hand,
yes u can very well go
even if i beg, u won't stop
and someday, even i might forgo!!

Strangers.....

they are holding hands and walking...
but their hands... are they even holding??
her fingers are slipping out of his grip
he's carelessly walking, did he even grip?
they both are looking the opposite directions
wandering uselessly without corrections.
"do u wanna talk?" she asks, not looking at him
he just looks at her, turns his face again, "hmm..."
"what do u think we r doing?" he asks...
she gives a thought, "playing a game of masks".
"are u wearing one right now?"
"no, i've managed to take it off somehow"
he again looks at her, she's gazing distant
"ur beautiful", that was the impulse of the instance.
she stops, tears fill her eyes, she doesn't know why?
"i'm tired, my love, y don't we give ourselves a try?"
now he grips her slipping fingers and holds her hand
in their eyes, they could see a terrifying quicksand.
"i want u", his voice was almost a whisper
"then i'll fight for both of us"...though she couldn't decipher.
they sat by the river, just gazing into the waters...
she leaned on his shoulder, now they won't falter...
distant somewhere the birds chirped goodbyes to the setting sun...
after the turbulence, those two strangers were, at last, one!!

..................................................

i gasped as i kissed ur lips
sensuous softness, my heart in flips...
that soft tongue exploring me
quenching the thirst i'd let to be!
that tender caressing of my contours
the teasing rubbing of nose on nose...
ur hand seems so cold upon my skin underneath
even ur skin is so warm beneath...
the way u thrusted me on the wall,
ur d surest resurrection of 'em all...
ur leg, oh, how it parted mine
and we moved even closer, our eyes aligned!
the way u pushed back my hair from my face
u cornered me... ur arms, my only place!!
how u bent down to kiss the nape of my neck
fanning my desires, spec-in-spec...
the time must have stopped there, it seems
'coz those moments were each like an eternity!
again that throbbing dance of pulses when we smooched
it were not only mine, even ur senses were soothed!
didn't even know when we soared high...
perched upon the precipice of the last gleam in d sky...
so hard was it becoming to curb the unsaid
the creeping sensations swirling our heads!
as if a lightening struck us from its din,
u stepped back, still fighting urself, "Get in"...
i really rushed away from u, for i had to control
i guess in our different worlds, we sure were on paroles!
that charm couldn't end, it hasn't ended still...
though it makes me cringe, nostalgic and ill!!
my insides still crunch, i still can see...
demanding less than u gave, when u really lurched on me!!

i can still feel i'm shaking down inside...
its such a flush, i fail miserably when i try to hide...
have i become so addicted to u? i think so!
its u in my every moment, i cannot forgo!!
i don't care if, to u, i mean a thing or not...
i have started to just accept it all, somewhat!
can't be greatful anymore to any God who heard...
the prayers i prayed without being able to decipher!
i'm so profoundly in what is known as "love"
ur really my every answer, God sent, from up above!!

Never Again...........

he's walking away from me
his back is tense,
and i know he's angry with me.
i suppose he's got a right to be angry
he's looking back at me now,
with that look in his eyes
the look that says
i've disappointed him again
i know i'm a jerk for not even trying
he's been waiting all this while
and, i can't even try.

soon i'll have to be back to my own empty life
and wait for the next time i can see him again.
it ain't so different from what we've been doing
except, i have this awful feeling
that something's going to happen.
this feeling is so overpowering
making it hard to breathe!

every second takes him
farther and farther, away from me
i wanna go after him
i wanna ask him to stay
and never leave my side.
why couldn't i just tell him what he wanted to hear?
why couldn't i tell him i could have loved him,
if only i was left with something more to give!

instead i say nothing,
i do nothing
i just stand and watch him disappear
not having the courage to call him back.

a tear runs down my cheek
somehow, i know
deep in my soul,
i'd never see him again...

it would have been good for him
if he wouldn't have been so intimate
my heart goes out
coz i know, very well,
what thoughts are crossing
his mind right now

it goes unsaid
that i have played,
but it wasn't intended
still, i blame myself
though he does not
why do i curse myself when i'm not wrong
i know i'm not wrong!
i didn't encourage his advances
then why do i feel his ache??

listen, my friend...my dear friend,
things are worse than u think
than even i think!
i give u no reasons.
i give u no excuses
i can just let u to
push me away.
i can't stop u.
i can't even ask u to stay.
i can only stand here
and see u go away....

Y is it there?

looking at the distant horizons
there was a time when ur breaths filled my lungs!
ur fingers played with my hair
n ur lips filled the partings of mine...
i reminisce! its all i can do right now
u don't even bother if i am
where is the closeness i ache for?
am i supposed to be undone this way?

i know u think i would understand
n yes i do, but oh! i wish i couldn't
at least my ignorance won't make me love u more
but i'm not even ignorant, what a pity!?!
i wish there was a way we can be together
and share a moment that would complete me
there is an emptiness, does it happen or it doesn't?
i'm mindless, yet i'm losing all my sane!

there is a want that paralyse my reasons
yet i won't give up...suddenly, i'm full of hopes!
i was never like this
maybe coz nobody was u...
they say it happens... but when will i believe it to be true!?!

Pine!!!

do u see that star by the side of moon?
i wish we can be like that just so soon...
i keep gazing, a distant dream in my eyes
u near, so near, just here by my side!
oh! but i know that u are not here
y is there this distance b/w us? its unfair!
r u even feeling how much i pine?
how much i wanna hold u and call u mine??

oh baby...
the nights don't end
and the days don't start
its like the middle of nowhere
and i feel lonely at heart
so, what am i supposed to do?
and how am i supposed to feel?
when my craving doesn't end
and nothing seems real!!
aren't u coming?
aren't u passing- by?
I'm aching to hear u again
even if all u do is, call up and say "Goodbye"!!