“what is love…if you can lose everything?” I often asked this to everybody who claimed to be in love. One person even said, “lose it all…its fuckin’ worth it!” and I just laughed it off!! I gave him a certain explanations…but more than to him, I was wxplaining things to myself. Things and reasons…which could prevent me from loving someone beyond my capabilities!!
All my life, since I started to know about people and emotions, and deciet, up till now, I was always scared of love. I always believed that love isn’t for me. Now I realize that up till now, I wasn’t really worthy of love!
After reading a certain piece if my writing, one of my mentors, way older than me, said, “Now you have again restored my beliefs in love!” On the same piece, my mom commented, “I’m falling in love all over again! You understand the risks involved and the prices that need to be paid.” But, frankly, now when I read what I wrote back then, it seems more like an account of a scared kid who was daring enough to fiddle with life, but so immature to take a risk regarding her own feelings!!
I found someone and fell head over heels for him. I thought it was what they call “love”… how wrong was I!?! I realized it last night that it was just a mad, blinding, crazy infatuation! Love is not blind! Though it compels you to follow your heart without a question, it makes you do extremely stupid things for somebody- things, which otherwise you wouldn’t have done for anybody!!
“Love”, as they say, makes you wake for nights, just thinking about your mate, thinking about the things you’d like to tell him/her whenever you meet/talk next… pretty much like planning, eh! “Love” makes you feel the “beauty of a jilted flower”, and the pleasure “of the December chills on your naked body”… but, then, “Love”, as they call it, also makes you so involved that a mere thought of losing the one, brings tears to your eyes.. it made me cry when we reached the verge! “Love”, as they call it, makes you unsure of what exactly you want out of it. Some even go to the extent of saying, “Love and Death are sister-concerns!”
BULLSHIT!!
Yesterday while reading a book by Paulo Coelho, I learnt that so far I’d been letting the “Other”, as he terms it, to intrude into my emotions. This “Other” doesn’t let us be what we actually should have been… instead it makes us become what we think is the right way to be!!
All this while, since I thought I was in love, I was scared of him, scared of “losing” myself completely to him. I told him that I cannot grant him my “seriousness”… and I knew that he deserved it all, and I knew it was useless to hold back… knowing all this, made me scared of him. Now it almost makes me laugh!! I thought I love him. On second thoughts, I still think that I do love him… but now, the picture is so different.
I was flustered by my feelings. I was frustrated over my uncontrolled emotions. I was angry upon myself for missing him every minute. I was agitated why anything analogical to my rush made me go back to every memory related to him!?!
Everything that catches you off-guard cannot be accepted for sometime. Same was the case with me… I couldn’t believe that a girl like me can be so swayed away by emotions… and just when my heart started to give up, and I prepared to run away from him, just when I decided that I’m giving it all up… my friend came to my rescue. She urged me to accept everything I’d been trying to deny to myself. She coaxed me to take a risk this time even and follow my instincts!! (She believes my instincts are true to me!)
I took the risk, I accepted that “Yes, I’m seriously involved this time…”
I could feel my rush taking a new course!! I no longer need him to hear me out whenever I’m feeling low. I no longer miss him. I no longer feel that its necessary for me to sort out my emotions. Because now I really feel that he’s as much a part of me…as my mind!! And now I realize that what someone told me, was quite true, “Lose it all… its fuckin’ worth it!!”
Yes, he’s worth it. And yes, now I’m worthy too!!
Maybe I’m sounding like lunatics, and maybe my words make no sense at all!!
“SON LOS LOCOS QUE INVENTARON EL AMOR”
The song is right- It must have been the lunatics who invented love!
And now, that I know that I love him, I’m no longer scared of him. I’m no longer scared of being a maniac! And now that I’ve accepted that I’m serious for him, I’m no longer scared of losing him even… and I know that’s inevitable! Because I’m happy that there was somebody in my life who could bring this out from me… who could actually make me realize that “limit” shall be no word in life! And I’m happy that I shared myself with him!!
Yes, I do sound like a maniac!!
All my life, since I started to know about people and emotions, and deciet, up till now, I was always scared of love. I always believed that love isn’t for me. Now I realize that up till now, I wasn’t really worthy of love!
After reading a certain piece if my writing, one of my mentors, way older than me, said, “Now you have again restored my beliefs in love!” On the same piece, my mom commented, “I’m falling in love all over again! You understand the risks involved and the prices that need to be paid.” But, frankly, now when I read what I wrote back then, it seems more like an account of a scared kid who was daring enough to fiddle with life, but so immature to take a risk regarding her own feelings!!
I found someone and fell head over heels for him. I thought it was what they call “love”… how wrong was I!?! I realized it last night that it was just a mad, blinding, crazy infatuation! Love is not blind! Though it compels you to follow your heart without a question, it makes you do extremely stupid things for somebody- things, which otherwise you wouldn’t have done for anybody!!
“Love”, as they say, makes you wake for nights, just thinking about your mate, thinking about the things you’d like to tell him/her whenever you meet/talk next… pretty much like planning, eh! “Love” makes you feel the “beauty of a jilted flower”, and the pleasure “of the December chills on your naked body”… but, then, “Love”, as they call it, also makes you so involved that a mere thought of losing the one, brings tears to your eyes.. it made me cry when we reached the verge! “Love”, as they call it, makes you unsure of what exactly you want out of it. Some even go to the extent of saying, “Love and Death are sister-concerns!”
BULLSHIT!!
Yesterday while reading a book by Paulo Coelho, I learnt that so far I’d been letting the “Other”, as he terms it, to intrude into my emotions. This “Other” doesn’t let us be what we actually should have been… instead it makes us become what we think is the right way to be!!
All this while, since I thought I was in love, I was scared of him, scared of “losing” myself completely to him. I told him that I cannot grant him my “seriousness”… and I knew that he deserved it all, and I knew it was useless to hold back… knowing all this, made me scared of him. Now it almost makes me laugh!! I thought I love him. On second thoughts, I still think that I do love him… but now, the picture is so different.
I was flustered by my feelings. I was frustrated over my uncontrolled emotions. I was angry upon myself for missing him every minute. I was agitated why anything analogical to my rush made me go back to every memory related to him!?!
Everything that catches you off-guard cannot be accepted for sometime. Same was the case with me… I couldn’t believe that a girl like me can be so swayed away by emotions… and just when my heart started to give up, and I prepared to run away from him, just when I decided that I’m giving it all up… my friend came to my rescue. She urged me to accept everything I’d been trying to deny to myself. She coaxed me to take a risk this time even and follow my instincts!! (She believes my instincts are true to me!)
I took the risk, I accepted that “Yes, I’m seriously involved this time…”
I could feel my rush taking a new course!! I no longer need him to hear me out whenever I’m feeling low. I no longer miss him. I no longer feel that its necessary for me to sort out my emotions. Because now I really feel that he’s as much a part of me…as my mind!! And now I realize that what someone told me, was quite true, “Lose it all… its fuckin’ worth it!!”
Yes, he’s worth it. And yes, now I’m worthy too!!
Maybe I’m sounding like lunatics, and maybe my words make no sense at all!!
“SON LOS LOCOS QUE INVENTARON EL AMOR”
The song is right- It must have been the lunatics who invented love!
And now, that I know that I love him, I’m no longer scared of him. I’m no longer scared of being a maniac! And now that I’ve accepted that I’m serious for him, I’m no longer scared of losing him even… and I know that’s inevitable! Because I’m happy that there was somebody in my life who could bring this out from me… who could actually make me realize that “limit” shall be no word in life! And I’m happy that I shared myself with him!!
Yes, I do sound like a maniac!!
4 comments:
omg!!!
is it really u????
mahi its just so beautiful n touching......really!! another side of u...........marvelous!!
thanx pepl!!!
and another side of me is really surprisin!!!
na!?!?
noe wad?? wateva u.ve written.. is so amazingly true... i dun hav to say.. n all these feeling seem so god damn familiar!!!
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