Saturday, January 17, 2009

flicker of a moment

"CROSSROADS".....contd...


strange how things become
strange how we become strangers to ourselves
the grief hits back with a vengeance
the journey on the Crossroads continue, there ain't no help
that one deadly game of life again stretched too far...
and its funny that i thought it would hamper me no more....
the dejection and despair of unsaid emotions and traumas....
yes, i recognise this all....this all has happened before!!


cringing from inside, these cramps of pain don't leave me alone
the venemous fangs of dillemas over what am i upto, don't go
that one genuine bliss costs me too much now, but even dat seems to be lost
coz he won't believe even if i've loved him more than anyone, he thinks i'll forgo!
what a wastage i'd always been! i prided in convincing even the stones,
and here i cannot convince for the genuinity of what i've so closely held
why? coz his past still haunts him, clings hard
and here, lost amidst the brutalities of insignificance, there's probably nothing he ever felt...


but here he returns again with his haunting face from my past, and his words that hurt me now
so writhered, i cannot confront my past, i gotta find an escape somehow
he smiles and it destroys every ounce of immune i'd conjoured
did i do such brutalities to him? was i such a tyrant? why does he leave me forlorn?
that one tie to my past doesnt cut loose, doesn't unfast
why? why? why does he raise his head from burried memories time n time again?
go away.... i hate ur stay....is this a request or just frail words?
but even the one i want badly isn't here to hold me,
when i wanna run into his arms and hide from my pain.

that truth gone sour...and here even she leaves my hand...
my refuge, my balm, my mother...even she's lost behind confiscating harms!
deformed, distasteful, hurting, full of disgust...and there's no way anyone can convince me otherwise...
turbulent, full of wrath, and demeaning....the oceans of my guilt are no more calm...

there's no left, no right...the Crossroads come to an abrupt end right here
there's nowhere i can go, there's no way i can turn back
all pathways, all sidelines lead me to a graveyard...
that open grave has its own lure but even that seems to be lost in black....
this closing darkness around me, hurts me so deep
there are still those open wounds that haven't tried to heal
i scream out loud, i call for help...but there's no voice in my throat...
there's nothing i can do...would, now, i'd have to kneel??

no! this cannot be....please cradle me in your arms....
tell me, this is all a nightmare...and that, i'll wake up soon...
there are grey clouds...there's a frightening thunder
there are no rays of hope, even on those horizons beyond that crescent moon...
an old jilted tree stands by my side, struck by lightening, its now afire....
is this what is to become of me too? is this what they say is the Judgement Call??
standing here on this cliff, can't even see any ground beneath...
there's nothing i can do, there's nowhere i can go, there's no-one who even bothers...
i close my eyes, never to open.... the only way out is....
to fall........

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

mahi...........!?!?
i wish we all knew

MAHI said...

its ok....
its over now

Anonymous said...

dont u think its insane?

MAHI said...

yea it is