ultimate scamper

y do i love u?
i don't know!
i love u...
that's all i know!!
funny, its becoming...
do i have any love left in me?
i have given u my all
n u've chosen to be free...
left behind in this dark,
i can see more clearly
i am bleeding
the wounds have bore deeply
this time i thought, oh y?,
ur goina stay!
abandoned, when u were,
my last gleaming ray
beautiful ur sacrifices!
and now, here, what's my fault?
for no reason u called me fake!
is it over? i'm still on a hault!!
do i need my time?
or have i already decided?
u said u loved me too
was it so frail to have subsided?
nothing's appealing to me now
everything hurts coz its all fine
inside there's such a turmoil
the reasons, the lines... undefined!
what have u done?
i wont ask y?
ur reasons r urs only
but u didn't even say "Goodbye"!!
everything has reached limits
i've jumped off the las precipice!
the only love of my life
has become my extreme vice!!
would i have to scamper
and collect my pieces again?
shattered worse than a mirror
i can't even feel the pain...
no tears came this time
the loss is far too great
teach me a last lesson, plzz...
teach me how to hate!!
what did i do wrong?
even the question isn't strong
but i'm not questioning u...
i've been thinking loud for so long...
u must b right...
i can't even take a stand
it has been quite a blow
i'm unable to understand...
left my hand,
yes u can very well go
even if i beg, u won't stop
and someday, even i might forgo!!

Strangers.....

they are holding hands and walking...
but their hands... are they even holding??
her fingers are slipping out of his grip
he's carelessly walking, did he even grip?
they both are looking the opposite directions
wandering uselessly without corrections.
"do u wanna talk?" she asks, not looking at him
he just looks at her, turns his face again, "hmm..."
"what do u think we r doing?" he asks...
she gives a thought, "playing a game of masks".
"are u wearing one right now?"
"no, i've managed to take it off somehow"
he again looks at her, she's gazing distant
"ur beautiful", that was the impulse of the instance.
she stops, tears fill her eyes, she doesn't know why?
"i'm tired, my love, y don't we give ourselves a try?"
now he grips her slipping fingers and holds her hand
in their eyes, they could see a terrifying quicksand.
"i want u", his voice was almost a whisper
"then i'll fight for both of us"...though she couldn't decipher.
they sat by the river, just gazing into the waters...
she leaned on his shoulder, now they won't falter...
distant somewhere the birds chirped goodbyes to the setting sun...
after the turbulence, those two strangers were, at last, one!!

..................................................

i gasped as i kissed ur lips
sensuous softness, my heart in flips...
that soft tongue exploring me
quenching the thirst i'd let to be!
that tender caressing of my contours
the teasing rubbing of nose on nose...
ur hand seems so cold upon my skin underneath
even ur skin is so warm beneath...
the way u thrusted me on the wall,
ur d surest resurrection of 'em all...
ur leg, oh, how it parted mine
and we moved even closer, our eyes aligned!
the way u pushed back my hair from my face
u cornered me... ur arms, my only place!!
how u bent down to kiss the nape of my neck
fanning my desires, spec-in-spec...
the time must have stopped there, it seems
'coz those moments were each like an eternity!
again that throbbing dance of pulses when we smooched
it were not only mine, even ur senses were soothed!
didn't even know when we soared high...
perched upon the precipice of the last gleam in d sky...
so hard was it becoming to curb the unsaid
the creeping sensations swirling our heads!
as if a lightening struck us from its din,
u stepped back, still fighting urself, "Get in"...
i really rushed away from u, for i had to control
i guess in our different worlds, we sure were on paroles!
that charm couldn't end, it hasn't ended still...
though it makes me cringe, nostalgic and ill!!
my insides still crunch, i still can see...
demanding less than u gave, when u really lurched on me!!

i can still feel i'm shaking down inside...
its such a flush, i fail miserably when i try to hide...
have i become so addicted to u? i think so!
its u in my every moment, i cannot forgo!!
i don't care if, to u, i mean a thing or not...
i have started to just accept it all, somewhat!
can't be greatful anymore to any God who heard...
the prayers i prayed without being able to decipher!
i'm so profoundly in what is known as "love"
ur really my every answer, God sent, from up above!!

Never Again...........

he's walking away from me
his back is tense,
and i know he's angry with me.
i suppose he's got a right to be angry
he's looking back at me now,
with that look in his eyes
the look that says
i've disappointed him again
i know i'm a jerk for not even trying
he's been waiting all this while
and, i can't even try.

soon i'll have to be back to my own empty life
and wait for the next time i can see him again.
it ain't so different from what we've been doing
except, i have this awful feeling
that something's going to happen.
this feeling is so overpowering
making it hard to breathe!

every second takes him
farther and farther, away from me
i wanna go after him
i wanna ask him to stay
and never leave my side.
why couldn't i just tell him what he wanted to hear?
why couldn't i tell him i could have loved him,
if only i was left with something more to give!

instead i say nothing,
i do nothing
i just stand and watch him disappear
not having the courage to call him back.

a tear runs down my cheek
somehow, i know
deep in my soul,
i'd never see him again...

it would have been good for him
if he wouldn't have been so intimate
my heart goes out
coz i know, very well,
what thoughts are crossing
his mind right now

it goes unsaid
that i have played,
but it wasn't intended
still, i blame myself
though he does not
why do i curse myself when i'm not wrong
i know i'm not wrong!
i didn't encourage his advances
then why do i feel his ache??

listen, my friend...my dear friend,
things are worse than u think
than even i think!
i give u no reasons.
i give u no excuses
i can just let u to
push me away.
i can't stop u.
i can't even ask u to stay.
i can only stand here
and see u go away....

Y is it there?

looking at the distant horizons
there was a time when ur breaths filled my lungs!
ur fingers played with my hair
n ur lips filled the partings of mine...
i reminisce! its all i can do right now
u don't even bother if i am
where is the closeness i ache for?
am i supposed to be undone this way?

i know u think i would understand
n yes i do, but oh! i wish i couldn't
at least my ignorance won't make me love u more
but i'm not even ignorant, what a pity!?!
i wish there was a way we can be together
and share a moment that would complete me
there is an emptiness, does it happen or it doesn't?
i'm mindless, yet i'm losing all my sane!

there is a want that paralyse my reasons
yet i won't give up...suddenly, i'm full of hopes!
i was never like this
maybe coz nobody was u...
they say it happens... but when will i believe it to be true!?!

Pine!!!

do u see that star by the side of moon?
i wish we can be like that just so soon...
i keep gazing, a distant dream in my eyes
u near, so near, just here by my side!
oh! but i know that u are not here
y is there this distance b/w us? its unfair!
r u even feeling how much i pine?
how much i wanna hold u and call u mine??

oh baby...
the nights don't end
and the days don't start
its like the middle of nowhere
and i feel lonely at heart
so, what am i supposed to do?
and how am i supposed to feel?
when my craving doesn't end
and nothing seems real!!
aren't u coming?
aren't u passing- by?
I'm aching to hear u again
even if all u do is, call up and say "Goodbye"!!

what they say!?!?

Glories, i reckon, come dowsed in blood

over-the-top ambitions fucking a lively nut

slithering, crawling, fading away...

Glories, i reckon, the works of a hard day!!

Ambition, i think, is just another word

for the daddies of a strictness absurd

growing cold day by day, for always.

Ambitions, a cover-up for a brutal face!

Hardwork, i guess, is an understatement!

for the decaying life in the brackets of stalement!

like stalgamites, sharp and killing deep

Hardwork, just a mock on those who're weak!

Dedication, a word to remember, i say!

sweet-tongued slavery, to give a way...

to subdue the spirit and the elation

a word to overwhelm...Dedication!!

Fun!?! what a downtrodden being one must be!

wasting time on sportsmanship and a skinned knee!

how could one enjoy? the work's still undone.

and it won't ever be complete till you're living under the sun!!

why are these the words every child is told?

why, before their childhood, they're asked to grow old?

why is this the massacre these elders commit?

feeding such pulp to kids and not even letting them vomit!

marks, competitions, jobs, the institutions,

all blunders! an irrepairable nuisance!

ruining capabilities and talents, producing muggers

where does this lead? the thought gives shudders!!

it IS necessary, very necessary, i know!

but let kids create, let them mess, let them grow!!

today, the curriculum doesnt encourage them in any way!

but it WILL go on..like a show, as they say!!