HOW LONG SINCE.....???

how long has it been

since i talked to a friend

and told them my heart's hidden secrets!?!

how long since i prayed, since i stayed...

on my knees, till light shone through!?!

how long has it been

since my mind felt at ease??

how long since my heart knew no burden?

can you call me your friend?

how long has it been since anybody knew

that i care for them??

how long has it been

since i knelt by my bed

and prayed to Lord, up above in heaven?

how long since i knew that He'll care for me

and would keep me the long night through!?!

how long has it been

since i woke with the dawn

and felt that this day is worth living?

can you call me your friend??

how long has it been since you knew

that i care for you!?!

ANGEL OF DISGRACE

i wish my eyes were shut

then i'd have no fears

go through life

with no hate or tears

or if i was numb

i'd feel no pain

never drowning in shadows

or soaking in shame...

maybe an angel

feeling good so much

then i wouldn't be scared

of love's sweet touch...

kissing me softly

with one deep breath

sweeping me into

eternity, with rest

i wish i wasn't

always so alone

everybody's something--

i just wanna go home!!

nobody to talk to

they're all cloned and fake

and then, there's me-

easy to hate!!

they think i stand on a pedestal

perfect picture in a frame

there's more to it..

underneath the mask, there's shame..

horrible things

said and done

but nobody would listen,

to them, its fun!!

i hold onto my anger

locked in a box

chains all around it

attached are locks!!

i wish there was a key

to let it all out

but instead it builds up..

exploding, without a doubt

sometimes i wanna scream

so long that life escapes

then i'd shut my eyes

i'd be the angel of disgrace!!

(dis is d closet truth abt me)

just a thought.....

seeing so many people wasted and wounded, i wonder to myself, what am i supposed to feel?? shall i feel happy that i'm safe -or- shall i feel sorry for not doing anything??

watching films like "swades" and "rang de basanti"...getting a drive for a week, max!! and then, we all return to our daily monotonous lives with an excuse, "we have our workloads"...

i know i'm sounding too hypocritical, but somehow, these things do not leave the corners of my mind..

that day i watched those agonising clips of the Orissa Anarchy, and a particular clip which was played again and again, still has its impact on me... the clip was of a small boy of around 6-7 years, trying to revoke his dead father. the boy kept screaming, "papa, please utho na!!" (papa, please get up).... i don't know what happened to me, but soon i was in tears, silently sobbing, and asking myself, "what did this poor boy do to have deserved this??"

but the answer was very simple... the boy did nothing...and he's only facing this agony because nobody does anything. we stupid, meak bunch of scapegoats are just too weak to be united. for every true voice raised, there are a thousand more to suppress it. we go on blaming the government, the systems, the world....and anything and everybody who seems even a little more authoritative than us. and its so funny to note that we have grown so accustomed to keep blaming someone or the other that we never really care that its ultimately we people at the grassroot!! now when the base is so damn useless...what can one say about the structure built on it!?!? NO COMMENTS!!!

this is the festive season going on....and people are scared to go to the crowded places_ fearing another stampede or a blast.... FOOLS!!!!

whosoever guaranteed that their homes are safe!!??!

and its so annoying that a mere percentage of these cockroaches called "terrorists" can scare the whole of mankind till the bones!! sometimes their efforts seem really commendable!! its sometimes really wonderful to see how they misuse even the most foolproof technologies!! and that communicating through porn movies!?! what a brain to have found such means!!!

but then again, why to create terror for?? to gain some power or authority? these minds are so sick that if the world authority is handed over to them, they'll grow tired of it within a day... coz these sick minds find it amusing to slaughter people.... sick men with a more sickening mentality... and the most frustrating thing is that they hide their monstruous activities behind the veil of the ever-disputed Religion....

what is this place we are living in??

i feel sometimes, that ending the whole of mankind with a nuclear attack is the best option we are left with coz now even the Gods can't alter these diseased human wastes that we've become.....

end of my tolerance

d more i push hard
the more i'm pulled back
by condescending talks
and condemning attacks
those bitter acceptance
of denials and sins
blame it on the losses
coz they overshadow my wins
justification of my end
lies within my disappointments
wat i feel- wat i do
is cursed by poisonous assignments

i'm plagued, i'm enraged
by abnormality of delays
i'm happy dat i'm caged
coz slavery releases freedom in many ways!!

i'm gonna burn every piece of me,
and destroy myself to a rubble of ash
there ain't no way of being free
coz thought and action always clash

my lonely world is all mine
and i need to be always there
coz its better to quit than keep trying
wen tolerance is murdered
by pardonful, untrue care.....

new found love...

ever since knowing you

i've felt a special feeling

ever since looking into your eyes

i've felt so much love

ever since holding your hand

i've felt truly cared for

the day i saw you on the street,

my body begged for yours

i saw someone, i automatically felt

i could give my heart to

never before i met you

did i feel quite this way

i never thought these words

i could honestly say

i love you as my friend

i love you in another way

i thank any God there is

i met you on that certain day....

BEHIND THESE EYES......

nobody noticed the wounds i got
nobody noticed my dripping blood
nobody collected my limbs thrown to rot
nobody cared whether i was a bitch or a slut
nobody wiped the tears i shed
nobody accompanied my lonely nights

nobody heard a single word i said

all just pushed me from scaling heights

nobody nurtured this broken child

nobody noticed when i grew old

nobody caressed my pain- severe or mild

nobody pulled my heart out of cold...

all saw a whacky weirdo gone haywire

all mocked my failed tries

nobody, but, saw my flowing tears, tired

nobody saw the pain behind these smiling eyes...

behind these eyes i hide my pain

behind these eyes are my tears

behind these eyes i supress my vain

behind these eyes reside my fears

behind these eyes is the girl,

who's scared of being alone.

behind these eyes is a heart

whose feelings are burried forelorn...

behind these eyes is my outstreched hand

but nobody feels my price

behind these eyes is a kid...

but who cares whats behind my eyes!?!?

on an urge from my friend....here's my first ever "nature poem"......

WHY IS THE TREE STANDING ALONE!?!

this tree was here since i was a child

i still remember playing around it, acting wild

so many memories and talks shared forelorn

even then and right now i wonder

why is the tree standing alone!?!

i remember him plucking its flowers and giving to me

i remember the solicit talks shared till nights, sitting by its knee

i remember how the tree gave its support when we used to climb..

still, why is it so alone, bound in time!?!

i stand here and stare at it in vain

the willowed branches, lush again

not far away the winter breeze

and soon, very soon, this beauty would freeze

still, the spring would come with its colourful throne

yet again, this tree would be standing alone!!

so much it has endured, so much it would see

it has even seen me grow up and grow detached

so much has it seed of what i used to be!!

it gave an ear to me everytime i felt low

so many times we have talked, i don't know

it has seen my limits streched until i cloned

it has been with my memories, yet its alone!!

is there a link, or is it just what i see?

sitting here again, glancing at this tree

it bends, it breaks, it gives all, yet doesn't take

it even stands tall when its life is at stake

glancing up at heavens, it is yet not proud

whatever this tree is, i can never make out!!

so many times it gives me a hint

of support, of success and of love's rosy tint...

so many times, it has been like me

so shrivelled in storms to let it be

sometimes so like my grandpa, sometimes so blown

guess its scared of breaking down

thats why this tree stands alone.......